The author of this blog stopped writing here long time back. The posts published here embarrass her now. And hence, there is very little chance that she is going to write here again.

This blog is hence declared to be in a state of COMA.

"Love at first sight". Blah.

"For me, it was like love at first sight. The first time I saw her, I was like, wow! she's HOT!"
This is what John Abraham had to say on 'The Simi Garewal show' post his "amicable" break-up with Bipasha Basu, if a recent Newspaper magazine's story is anything to go by, that is.
Take a bow, Mr. Abraham, for you deliberately, or not so, made a statement that, at least in my eyes, is enough to put all debates at rest, debates that have been going strong for centuries together, on the possibilities of "love at first sight" existing in this world and if existing, being credible enough to be termed as "true love". That the phrase "true love" itself is a much debated and talked-about one, and certainly not well defined, is a different matter altogether.
"And they fell in love"? WTH I say!
What is the first thing one would, usually, notice in a person of the opposite sex in the first meeting? Or to be more precise, at first sight? If I were to answer this question I'd probably say: his dressing style, his way of talking, the best reflection of his character, that is, his eyes, the overall personality and finally, his mannerisms. Everyone's answer may differ from mine, depending on one's own preferences. But the point remains, would any of our answers justify the possibility of something, supposedly, as intense as "true love", happening at the very outset of getting acquainted with a person... any person? 

I don't know about you, but my answer has to be a "no". I anyway need to gather a lot of faith in this world and its people to be able to locate sense in the concept of "true" love happening between two individuals not related by blood. Though ironically, even blood relations don't guarantee this so-called (and much called!) 'true love' these days. And on top of this, I am expected to digest with ease, something as incredible as "love at first sight"? BLAH!

If I were a chef and "true love" was my own secret recipe, the ingredients would be:
  • Absolute admiration/liking/attraction/fondness, at least as a starter course.
    And thereafter,
  • Mutual understanding.
  • Faith, trust and all other synonyms of the same.
  • RESPECT for each other.
  • A foundation laid on the feeling that "he/she is better than anyone else in this world!" rather than "he/she is the best that I can get".
  • Two imperfect people, coming together to create a completely perfect relationship.
Now, dear Cupid's assistants preaching around and supporting the noble cause of love creating/making/faking, could you please let me know, which of the above ingredients can fall into the "dish", at the flash of a second or even less than that- which is the maximum time one'd normally take, to catch a first glimpse of someone? Even the starter-course is pretty unlikely to happen the very first time, considering that you need to know at least some teeny weeny bytes about someone's life and/or personality to be able to really admire/like/be fond of him/her. Getting impressed is possible, even getting highly impressed is, for that matter. Attraction too is possible, very possible infact. But then, where in the principles of any civilization, has mere attraction ever been considered as an equivalent of "love"? Don't try to answer, because you can't, I am quite sure.
Working so hard. Aww..
What I am not trying to do is impose my beliefs on anyone. What I AM trying to do is, show sense to a good many number of people, girls as well as boys (but please dare to agree, mostly boys), who have the audacity to try-'n'-obscure their physical attractions to certain (or at worst, ALL) people of the opposite sex, that result due to reasons whatsoever, under the pious wraps of an eternal emotion called "love".

Dear people of this world,
it took your parents years of incessant toil, great deal of patience, strong sense of belonging arising from a bonding much more than just blood-connect, heavy sense of responsibility and an unimaginable amount of sacrifice to matter to you, the way they do, today. These were the conditions that, lasting for a period as long as your lifetime till date, helped in setting up a relationship that you can today proclaim as based on "unconditional love". Ironical, as it may sound. Much the same, but a lot lesser, goes for all, and any other, important relationships in your life.
So PLEASE do not try to fool yourself and others, by claiming that the same can happen with you, on seeing a girl or a boy, maybe good-looking or hot or whatever, at what I am tired of mentioning by now, first sight. Even Cupid has to take the effort of shooting an arrow at the right spot, to make something happen between two people. And you, certainly, have no wand more magical.

So stop fooling around. And face it, the unknown guy or girl you want to know better and/or long to be with, is nothing more than an attractive piece of material to your eyes and imagination. Just like a little girl who keeps thinking of a dress her parents didn't get for her or a young boy who wasn't bought his favorite toy. "Love at first sight", citing a final parallel, is nothing more than a reflection of the same possessive and adamant kid residing within us, whose desires never seem to end. Unending desires for, things.


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Anonymous,  December 22, 2011 at 4:57 PM  

A very nice article to read.. loved it.

Sayan April 22, 2013 at 3:48 PM  

Dear Sugandha

Very interesting article. I personally used to think that there was something called LAFS (Love At First Sight, yes I've used the At to make it sound funny. Sigh.).

However, after 23 years of experience in living (and at least 19 years of experience in loving) I can safely say ONE thing about love: Loving is Knowing.

One can only love when one knows the other person. When there's acceptance and understanding. Not knowing is not 'love'. Mystery is not 'love'. It's the thrill of the chase. Thus, for me, there can be no 'love' at first sight.

Logically constructed:

First, there is attraction - you want to know the person.

Second - there is knowledge, by rubbing shoulders with them, opening up to them, watching them open up etc. you grow to know them.

Third - the decision: Keep or creep, make or break.

Fourth - Love. It's ever changing, dynamic and amazing. It's overwhelming. It's breathtaking. Also, it's HARD WORK.

Fifth (sometimes) - change. This can be triggered by distance, by too little space, by too much space, by life events, by absence etc. Your love changes. Either for better or worse.

Sixth - Severance. No need to explain.

Anyway, here's my hastily typed (I'm at work. Slow day. Sloooooow day...) attempt to spill my two cents on something that's been debated by people for centuries.



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