The author of this blog stopped writing here long time back. The posts published here embarrass her now. And hence, there is very little chance that she is going to write here again.

This blog is hence declared to be in a state of COMA.

The love maybe lost, but its memories are not – PART 3

A month later

That day, their classes had got over at 2 in the afternoon. An easy time-table is sure enough to make the day for any student.
"Jahnvi, we need to talk. Like, right now!" Aditya said in a rather grave tone. She was standing with some of her female friends in a semi-circle and before he had even uttered a word, they started tingling and teasing her with naughty giggles. 
"Irritating chicks!"Aditya mumbled. "I wonder why does Manav find this hee-hee-heeeeee CUTE!

"Addy, I know we've to talk but could you just wait for sometime, we..."
"Oooooooooohhhh... hmmmmmm..... yeaahh....oye hoyee," the chuckles refused to halt. 
"Shut up girls! It's nothing of that sort," Jahnvi kept saying, as if just for the sake of it, even as her blushing cheeks had another tale to tell.

"What's so funny, girls? I'm not proposing to anyone of you to marry me, am I? Then what is it that's driving YOU chicks so crazy! Or are you giggling for no reason, just to fetch attention? If yes then this eeeee-aaaaaa-oooo-heeeheee won't help, trust me!" not for nothing was Aditya known for being outright straight with his words. And then the girls had been testing his patience a bit too much.
And that worked! The giggly girls left in all frustration, as if humiliated by the truth they won't ever expect anyone to utter, not guys at least, for they may make fun of girls and girly habits amongst themselves, but when talking to a girl, it's like they're the sweetest, politest angels on Earth. (A guy's says, "I love it when you giggle, it's so cute!" to a girl = "Such a wannabe I tell you! Laughing and chuckling all the time for no reason at all! Attention seekers...grrrr...these ggggirlsss!!" among fellas. Talk about double standards, eh?)
And the way Addy had imitated them, got them grumbling all the more. "We'll see you later, mister smarty!" one of them warned him before leaving.
"Oh! You know what, you just got me trembling with fear!" he joked, "Ugh ugh, am sooo scared!!... heee heee heee!" never before did he so thoroughly enjoy teasing someone.

"Addy, grow up! It's not fair!" Jahnvi told him once the gigglers left. 
"Grow up? Ask your birdies to do that miss. And don't deny that you were struggling to hold back your laughter all the while too!" he winked.
"Alright alright, the way you enacted their giggles, it WAS, umm...f.u.n.n.y," she confessed. 
And they gave a hi-5.
"So, you came in a rather serious mood, didn't you. We need to talk?" she reminded him.
"Oh yes! Shall we go sit in the garden? I lack the patience to deal with some more of your loser girlfriends."
"I'll kill you, jerk!" she pinched his ear, "let's go."

Half an hour passed in utter silence, with the two of them sitting besides each other, doing absolutely nothing. All that could be heard were occasional sounds/noises from somewhere in the vicinity, of some friends celebrating a birthday and yelling songs or a gang of guys barking abuses or either of them coughing or yawning, et al.

"Look, I know that all mushy mushy love stories call it a very beautiful time when a girl and a boy just sit together for hours together, gazing at each other, the 'silence speaking better than words' and shit. But trust me, this is getting really boring now," she tried to break the ice on a lighter note.
"Right. Hey Jahnvi, do you remember what day it is today?" he asked, unaffected by her joke, thoroughly examining her face.
"Umm yes, it's a Monday, no?" she still wasn't out of the playful mood.
"No. Precisely, it's one month after that particular day," he hoped to see her remember something.
"That particular day??" she pretended to be confused. 
"Oh come awn! Am serious, one month ago we had a long talk, in the very same place we are in right now, remember?" he seemed a little impatient this time.
"Oh yeah, one month ago was the date that comes one month before today... right?!" she cracked a pathetic one.
And he was least amused.
"Alright, yes I very well remember that day. A bit embarrassing to narrate, but believe me I do," she assured him.
"Hmm. I never mentioned anything about my feelings after it, in this one month, did I? I stuck to my promise. The promise to not mention it again except for the day a month later..."
"Yeah and...," she tried to speak.
"No. Let me talk now. Don't say anything till I've completed or I won't be able to. Okay?" he demanded.
Rather rude, she thought. But sensing the gravity of the situation and intensity of his expressions, she let go of it.
"Hmm..." she nodded.

"Fine then. Look, Jahnvi, we've been friends for more than a month now. And unlike what you, or even I had expected, it's all been pretty good, pretty pleasant."
"Hmm..." she nodded again, the maximum that she was allowed to do.
"I understand that after my first crazy proposal, it must've been difficult for you to 'stay normal', as the silly me had demanded."
"Hmm," went another nod. Though she really wondered why did he call that proposal crazy, or himself 'silly'. But he seemed too nervous to answer further queries then.
"But it went on smoothly!" he continued, "I remember the beautiful time we spent together in college—stuffing our tummies in the canteen (from each others' plates), bunking classes to simply laze around (against your will, ofcourse), at times flirting... with the books in the library, that is," he had suddenly turned so nervously expressive that one could know where the brackets were to be inserted, in all that he spoke.
"And everytime I succeeded in dragging you to the library, you'd call me a nerd," she added, unable to hold back from speaking this time, getting all nostalgic. "These were the times when we behaved totally like the two ends of a rope, pulling apart but still bonded," she concluded with a warm, friendly smile.
"Yeah yeah, true that. That and lots more, to count in the beautiful memories of us, together." 
"Why memories, duh! Our friendship still exists, prettier than ever. Memories belong to the past and the past need not be called till the present turns ugly!" she philosophized

"Do you remember, that day I said something else too?" he so ignored her beautiful words.
"That, that after a month I'll make the proposal again? For you to decide if we can be together or not, for you to know me as a person, which you said is important. And personally, hoping to see you develop a soft corner for me in your heart," he sounded intense, a bit worried.
She blushed.

For though she didn't tell him, but it had been a long, desperate wait. Each day cursing herself for having kept him waiting for so long, each day telling herself, 'no one is perfect, silly. It's love that makes someone seem perfect, for us. And he is the one, for me.' At times she thought if she herself could take the step, but then gave in to the lack of courage. This one moment was, hence, long awaited and precious for her. 

"Ohkay... so? Why don't you say it now, that which you've got to say?" she unintentionally sounded impatient this time. 
He kept mum.
"Say it, silly!" she commanded.
"Jahnvi, I...I..."
"I am really very sorry for everything," he broke the stinging silence.
"Sorry? For what!" she seemed surprised enough, though still smiling faintly.
"Like I said, for everything."
"Be specific Aditya. I don't get you and it's getting a little scary now, you know," she remarked, somewhere hoping to see him burst into laughter very soon and yell, "SURPRISE!"

Unfortunately enough, that wasn't the case.
"I've understood now, what you said then. That's why you call me a tubelight, don't you?" he tried 'lightening' the situation.
She gaped in disbelief. "Understood what?"
"Understood that love isn't so easy, isn't so shallow, isn't so stupid. That it's important to completely know someone as a person before concluding that we're freaking in love with them! There are a hell lot of things involved! People are oft not how we think they must be!"
"What. Are. You saying Aditya?"
"Am sorry for having come and pestered you, Jahnvi. I really appreciate your patience for having borne me all this while. I had been feeling a little off-color since quite some time, like it wasn't exactly how I had imagined. Then I tried seeing through your perspective and everything seemed crystal clear! Clear that we can't be together, that we're not 'made for each other', that you and I are oh-so-different!" he completed.
"You're not serious, right? You can't do this to me!" she gasped for a breath.
"Of course I am! I'm letting you free, isn't that great!?" he seemed relieved, totally unlike her.

"I can't believe you can say all this! I can't believe you can appreciate 'my perspective' of love, when I lost mine long back, to yours! As I learned to see it the way you, used to... free spirited, letting it find its destination itself, not imposing rules and directions on our feelings! 
"What I also can't believe is that you're thanking my patience for having 'borne' you all this while, when I've actually been dreaming of being always together, no matter what!
I can't believe that you think you're letting me 'free', when I've been blissfully bound in chains of love. Your love! 
"I can't believe I fell in love with YOU!". 
She broke down into tears miserably after the last words. It was helpless, miserable. 

"! Look, it's not like that! See, you're giving in to temporary attachment, think the way you used to, be practical, yeah? Am not the one, seriously!" he tried to comfort her, nervously. 
But it only added to her helplessness. 
"I AM NOT YOUR SLAVE!" she yelled, "not your puppet!"
"You've cheated me!"

"I haven't. We can't be responsible for the way we feel, can we? We don't direct emotions, to go this way or that. And if mine changed, it wasn't intentional. Don't hold me responsible for it Jahnvi. I am guilty but it wasn't in my hands! And then, we're still friends, aren't we?" he sounded unbelievably at ease. 

"I do not know who is responsible and who isn't.. I do not know what went wrong, I also do not know why you, or your feelings, changed," she went on, "What I know is that, you've left in my life a stigma that'll stay for long. Real long."

"As for us being friends, I wish feelings were so easy to rewind."
"You may leave now. Your so called 'love' is over, and care mustn't be faked. It may raise hope for someone," went her last words, blank and expressionless. 

And he left. 

Everything turned upside down. Feelings got 'exchanged' literally, leaving the one least at fault, suffering. Still, no one can be blamed.
Shall we call it a love story?

thanks for reading...

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SHARDOOL January 31, 2011 at 7:27 PM  

Beautiful, Sugandha !
Its really nice...
The story went on and on into the depths of sea. And when it reached sea-bed, a majestic question poses in front of us all. Is this LOVE ?

To me, it's a Realization. The couple who realizes it at the same point of time manages it too well. Most of the people face this. Its seriously a big question which still remains unanswered... :|
- Shardool Kothari.

Aman Garg June 25, 2011 at 12:29 AM  

i was personally very interested to read this.. esp. the girl that is described here matches one of my friends... and to some extent i even knew the guy :P.. but after one month the story was a little not so digestible... but nice post.. personally, loved it.. lazy me still managed to read it... and nice sahi blog (design)...

Aman Garg June 25, 2011 at 12:36 AM  

i commented but stupid blogspot deleted... anyways nice post .. i could relate the girl to one of my friends and to some extent knew the guy too.. so was personally excited about reading it... thats why read 3 posts .... anyways couldn'd digest the ending.. but personally, loved reading abt characters esp the girl...and

(A guy's saying, "I love it when you giggle, it's shoo cute!" to a girl = "Such a wannabe I tell you! Laughing and chuckling all the time for no reason at all! Attention seekers...grrrr...these ggggirlsss!!" among fellas. Talk about double standards, eh? ;))

TRUE!! and i also used to hate it.. but when i started noticing myself.. hoo jata hai thoda :P #honest :P :P

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