The author of this blog stopped writing here long time back. The posts published here embarrass her now. And hence, there is very little chance that she is going to write here again.

This blog is hence declared to be in a state of COMA.

The love maybe lost, but its memories are not — PART 2

The first proposal: A flashback

This dates back to the time when she, Jahnvi, was a fresher in college, just out of the protective boundaries of school, into a world that belongs to no-ONE. She was curious, excited, nervous and with absolutely no idea about how good, or bad, this new life was going to turn out to be. All in all, she was how most of us at this stage of life are, what say, 'innocent'? 

Apart from that, she was pretty. Beautiful actually, but not extra-ordinarily, unless you count the beauty of her heart in too. Yes, she was not just a beautiful girl, but a beautiful person. What made her beautiful inside was the simple fact that she was honest and not ill-willed. Moreover, she was, 'she'! Quite beautiful in this age of superficiality, no?
With deep brown expressive eyes on a pretty face, an innocent smile ever-so persistent, a good sense of humor and wit and a tall confident personality with enough modesty, she sure was atleast 'noticeable' for those who knew her. 

'He' was Aditya and apart from that, nothing special. None of us is special, quite actually and obviously, until we meet the 'one'. For it can be safely assumed that sooner or later, each one of us is, or will be, special for 'someone'. It's the people around us, who make us special.

So, he really was nobody special, else the topic wouldn't have strayed.

They were classmates, students of a reputed Engineering college ( like the so-many of us nowadays). Barely a month had passed when 'he' began to take notice of 'her', though she, still didn't. For she never had the need to talk to him, and he, never had the chance. 
It was when when Aditya, like most other guys, would discuss the best and the worst of girls around: an analysis and compilation of observations prepared more intensely than even their practical files, that he realized she was different, atleast for him. A statutory warning had already been issued to his friends, that she was the chosen one, for him. 

Romantic? Sweet? No way! Rather typical, a little cheap and even more immature, that was of him. And she knew how it was. Girls, afterall, don't need to talk to everyone around to know how they are, they can sniff it. And she being sensible and observing, had anyway gauged that much long time back. Not that he was a bad person at heart, but he was definitely immature. So basically, she could never even imagine herself giving him a serious look, let alone a thought.
But life shapes, the way we don't think it will.


Of-late, things had been turning different, what say, improving? He had been getting the chance to talk her, and she, the need. And that too quite often, as they were lab partners and more than that, best friends of a budding couple. A couple fights, doesn't it? And a lot, I presume. And it was Jahnvi and Aditya who had to be the conveyor/counselor each time their respective best friends had a tiff. Whether it helped the couple or not can't be told, but it sure was helping these two, who were gradually becoming friends.

"I'm happy for Sonali and Manav", Jahnvi had started the conversation that day, while aimlessly pulling out grass from the grounds the two were at, the college OAT, a favorite hangout for bunkers to laze around in and the nerds to study more. And more. (sorry for the digression but, "more" to the power infinity!)

"Yeah, so am I. Happy, for the two in love, and for myself too", Aditya calmly shot out his words, an arrow of sorts for he could guess what her next question was going to be.

And the guess was indeed right. Suddenly the expressionless pallor on her face changed into a question mark and she stopped the torture on the grass to give him a serious look. 
"For yourself? What does that even mean?", she asked in a high pitched voice.
The arrow had hit the target, afterall. He smirked inside.

"Well well, things seem to be improving with my girl. Why won't I be happy!", he further added. Her question mark changed into an exclamatory mark now and he was more than just enjoying the changing expressions on her face.

"YOUR girl? Now who is THAT you never mentioned even once?! I hope my curiosity shalt get a reply, Addy?", she asked in a slightly commanding tone of voice.
He liked it when she called him "Addy".

"Ah yes, ofcourse it would. My girl, I tell you, is someone I've been so stung by, since probably the time college started", he said simply.

"Okay. And...?", she asked, as seriously as she wasn't ever in class.

"And? And she's lovely! A genuine person with the sweetest smile ever and everything that sets her apart, for me", he tried locating jealousy in her expressions, but sadly, there was none to be seen yet.

"Wow! And how are things heading?", her curiosity had begun to subside, having become sure that he'll tell her the whole saga.

"Well, pretty quick, I'd say. And definitely faster than I imagined. From the time when we never even talked, to now when we often sit together and chat about things important and unimportant, there's definitely been SOME progress here! And I am only too happy with this", he was still trying hard to see her go green. 
Strangely enough, the question mark on Jahnvi's face turned into a big grin of excitement now. Like she was happy for him. "Girls are good actors, chill Aditya!", he was telling himself at the unexpected disappointment.

"Cool!!!! Now this is something! But strange I never sensed anything. I mean, okay, it's been barely two weeks since we started interacting and just a week since we started having chats of any significant content, but it's still weird that I never felt a thing! Isn't it?", she said.

"Yes Jahnvi, it is. It IS weird and disappointing that not once did you realize that the girl was you", he said in all anticipation, amazed that he finally had, and that too in a single go.

His words fell like, dumbbells? Heavy, they were for her. Indigestible. And totally unacceptable. 
There was an awkward silence for a long time following that. She kept staring at the ground blankly and he at her, in all hope. 
But someone had to break the ice. Jahnvi decided to.

"Now, is that some kind of a joke, by any freaking chance? Or are you, should I say, out of your mind?"

He was half shattered by her words. But didn't want to give up. "Okay, I need to simply explain," he told himself. 

"Why do you say so, Jahnvi! I almost immediately fell for your personality back then. But I never thought I'll be telling this to YOU some day, 'coz I never took it so seriously! But now, having known you, having interacted with you and having praised myself for falling for, shall I say, the 'right girl', I'm only too sure! And I think you are too!" impatience and desperation seeped into his voice.

Jahnvi sprang up from her place in slight disgust.

"For god sake, act a little mature Mr. Aditya, will you?! It's only because of Sonali and Manav that we've talked a little in the past few days, this must be the longest conversation we've had and are probably going to ever have, there's  barely ANYTHING I know about you or you, about me. And you've already jumped to conclusions as ad-hoc as, I ALSO LIKE YOU?" her last words came out loud and clear. He wondered whether to gaze at her deep eyes looking even more gorgeous as they widened in shock and anger, or to pay attention to the shattering of his heart. He chose the former, for all its beauty. 

Why do you talk like this Jahnvi! It hurts," his sad face spoke. 
"So does the truth," she didn't mind seeming cruel. 
"I actually felt that your feelings about me must've changed all this while. Didn't they, from what they used to be earlier, tell me honestly,"
"Not feelings but views! 'Coz feelings, they never existed! I mean, I never saw you that way, never thought about you so seriously, but over time I've definitely developed some respect for you as a person, I confess. Earlier, I thought you were like most other guys: reckless, carefree, unemotional and, you know, talking about girls all the time—cheap. But that's not how I see you anymore," atleast she sounded kinder saying all this, even though her first opinion about him wasn't exactly, well, untrue.

"See! I told you. It's changed, things between us. We could give it a try?" this time it was his face that showed a question mark.
"Changed, but not SO drastically, Aditya! This is not how relationships happen, not for me at least!!" she was obviously irritated by now. 

"Anything wrong with me?" he asked just for the sake of it. That he considered himself near perfect was no less than a fact.
"It's not about you, dammit! It's about... about... about anybody! Am just not prepared for something as serious as this! I have an altogether different perspective of relationships, they mean something, something IMPORTANT for me. Not just a passive girlfriend-boyfriend affair! Those terms aren't even there in my dictionary. For me, they're either 'lovers' or nothing. 'Girlfriend' and 'boyfriend' are totally naive concepts of love!"

Secretly, Aditya was rather amused. The funny him, a strong trait otherwise, almost gaped at her in surprise, at her seriousness, which he obviously lacked, else why'd he find her words funny! Had it not been for the intensity of the situation, his jaws must've dropped in shock and amusement by then.

"I understand Jahnu," he assumed she won't mind being called so. "I understand what you mean by all this," knowing that he actually didn't, not in the wildest of his dreams. "And am not even asking you to be fast!" though he wanted her to be, "take your own time. And that time, we could spend together. Okay?"

"WHAT?!" came the prompt reply, a question rather. "Cut the 'Jahnu' by the way! It's.. it's... GROSS!"

"See, I know it's not been too long, but my feelings are still strong!" he couldn't help pausing for a moment of self-praise for the rhyme. "What I am saying is simply that we could just spend some time together, as friends of course, to know each other better. Let's say, a month? I'm only too sure of my feelings for you, they won't ever change, all I want is for you to see if I can be the one for you too. Please, I am only asking you to continue being friends the way we are now! If nothing else, we might emerge as best buddies?"

She couldn't believe her ears, too weird as it all sounded. But she found no reason to say an immediate 'no' this time. 

"I don't know..." she blankly said, staring at the ground again, in deep reflection. 
"The voice, beautiful dammit!" he thought.
"But I do. And you trust me, okay?" he asked her in all excitement.

"Mister, don't you think while asking for trust, you're asking for too much from someone who has barely known you?" she kept her right hand on her waist, in a dictating posture.
"Hahaha! Okay, maybe I am. But... pleeeeeeeez??" he almost begged, jokingly. 

Finally! The situation was losing much of its awkwardness.

"BUT! Friends only, okay?" she reminded him one last time.
"Yeah yeah ma'am, I have noted that, don't worry. I won't give you a single reason to complain, I promise. ONE MONTH. We see it for one month, as friends, normal friends. I won't mention this again all the while and a month later, I bring you here again, the same place and maybe the same time and make the same proposal again. If by then your heart changes, you say a yes and we become girlfriend and boyfriend. No, I mean, 'lovers'," he knew she hated the terms 'boyfriend' and 'girlfriend'. But why she did, he couldn't guess.

"And if I still feel the way I do now, that is, NOT FEEL AT ALL, we get on our own ways, separately. Right?" she wanted to assure everything in word.

"Roger that ma'am," he smiled, ignoring the pessimism in her voice.

"Though, if you ask me, I see absolutely no hope!" she shrugged.
"I know. And that's why I never asked you in the first place," said he. Unable to stop from smirking at his wit this time.

And she couldn't help bursting out in laughter. 

ONE MONTH: The next one month was going to witness the growth of an entirely new tale of love. Or was it destined to be a heart break? 

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Niyati Baliyan,  January 6, 2011 at 9:02 PM  

enjoyed every bit of it...

Niyati Baliyan,  January 6, 2011 at 9:05 PM  

Enjoyed every bit of it :)

Arjun Bhatia,  January 8, 2011 at 4:26 PM  

Hey, don't take it the wrong way, but you can (and you do) write way better than expects something fresh (like your other posts) expects you to think out-of-the-box...
PS: if you've already planned something like that in the next post, Sorry! just forget about this comment and carry on with the good work... :-)

NIPUN CHAWLA January 9, 2011 at 12:37 AM  

hwy, Sugandha. I just saw some really positive stuff on display here. the girl was'nt positive about anything that our cool, fearless guy aditya said...but she ws still positive. such articles do give HOPE. Kudos. i liked it.(Well who am i not to like anything written by my one of the first and favorite bloggers);)

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