The author of this blog stopped writing here long time back. The posts published here embarrass her now. And hence, there is very little chance that she is going to write here again.

This blog is hence declared to be in a state of COMA.

Do women really go for successful men only? Even if yes, SO WHAT!

  • With the hope of being read by calm, thinking minds, who can understand what all I'm talking about, and what all not.
  • And with all the guts to least care about being misinterpreted.

"They say, behind every successful man is a woman. But that's 'coz women go for successful men only. It's true friends..."

it's not me saying so. It was a message, a forward, that said so, on my phone one day. And for a change, the feminist streak of my mind didn't revolt against the idea. Rather, the first mental response that flashed was—"so what?".

How do I sound? Mean? Selfish? Greedy? Or shameless? Well, if indeed it's one of these adjectives, I couldn't care less. Seriously. 
For I fail to understand, IF at all it is so indeed, what's wrong about it, huh? No, a man's success alone IS not and MUST NOT be what makes a girl (let's talk "STRAIGHT-forwardly" :P) fall for him. It should definitely not be the first thing you (a woman) should look for, in a man. And it, most certainly,  shouldn't be what the two's love is based upon, 'coz if that is how it is, then it isn't even 'love' in the first place. But, to keep it as one of the factors under consideration when planning for the future, to be practical and not "blind":is it wrong? When talking in context of serious relationships, hoped to turn into something bigger, like maybe, marriage? 
Now this is what am NOT talking about!!

According to the construct of our society, a girl is supposed to part from her family, her parents and home—where and with whom she grew up, forever one day. After that, it's her and her 'new family', that have to be together for the life ahead. More specifically, the man. The husband. 

And no matter how highly we might speak of woman-empowerment, of their progress and stuff, one fact is undeniable—a family and its lifestyle, it's still hugely controlled by the man himself. Neither the male ego/self-respect, nor our age-old 'tradition', approve of a household with a 'house-husband' and a working lady. All in all, a LOT depends on what the man does. Or earns. Which probably and inherently, imparts the "practical" streak to a girl's psyche. 

With that said and told, anything more remains unspoken? Is it, thus, not fair enough for a girl to think about her future when making such a significant decision of her life? What's selfish about it? It's only practical! It is known from hear-say, that after a certain number of years of wedlock, relationships are no more defined by the mushy-mushy teenage concepts of attraction, affection, care and prettiness. They delve into a form lot less fantastic than that. 
Marriage—an association of two people, their body, soul and mind, their families and most importantly, their lives. And it's not the guy who has to change his way of living (which is how it has been since more than two decades), who has to leave his beloved family behind and live with another one all of a sudden, it's the girl who has to do so. A small sacrifice, is it?!

The separation. 
That is all what I mean. There's much against girls that guys say everywhere, always bringing their honesty and reliability under the scanner. From what I have observed, men are way too rash about such decisions in their teens or twenties. While after marriage, with every flying year, their once 'I-will-die-for-you' spirit of love eventually fades away. Women, on the other hand, are a lot more selective, choosy and careful prior to marriage. Which turns them the villain for the ones they don't pay heed to. But after marriage, as caretakers of entire households, they are a lot more dedicated and responsible. Observation, nothing else.

I wish someone could take note of the mound of sacrifices that make a girl's life before cursing women, for influencing their decisions about relationships and commitments on the other one's status/salary/lifestyle/whatever you may call it. If no one else, then your mom. Afterall, she was a girl too, some time back. And your sister. What kind of a guy would you want to hand over her life to, the day her life's most important decision lies in your hands? This one question, can help you think like a girl, and understand her psychology.

That says it all, probably. But I must add, that yes, there's a line to it. A line that differentiates 'practicality' from 'greediness'. And a girl who knows how to stay within that line for good, won't look at a man's success/wealth (they both need not always come together, afterall) as the first priority. She won't fall for him only after being lured by his lavish lifestyle, 'coz as a matter of fact, that isn't what "falling for" is all about, actually. No doubt, a pure relationship has to be about love, care and understanding, first and foremost

No doubt, the man deserves to be loved and respected by his woman, not for his success or wealth, but for how highly he places her in his life.
....for in the end, it's got to be about love and love alone. Otherwise, it's a farce, a deception. 

PS1- Only the sensible, serious breed of people qualify to be considered in this post.

PS2- I speak with -NIL- experience. So I automatically become forgivable for anything awry. :)

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rummana zaidi November 28, 2010 at 7:38 PM  

alright.. lol.. i read the whole thing and to a great extent i do agree with you. This is a question that we stumbled upon many times in our class discussions. It is infact right to keep this in mind if making a decision of marriage or a long lasting relationship, because at the end of the day if two people have to live together then definitely they have to suffice each others needs then be it monetary. But as you too said that this should not be the only priority and is it not human nature... after all don't men also want their wives to be "intelligent, beautiful,...".
and i mean.. i'm also a staunch feminist but if i'm CHOOSING someone for myself and not merely FALLING then even i would want someone successful... i mean a partner is someone whom you can consider your equal then certainly the "success" part becomes a quintessential.

P.S. have you raed "Pride and Prejudice"? this inevitably reminded me of the coversation between Elizabeth and Charlotte

Tanay November 28, 2010 at 7:58 PM  

There are one or two portions which I don't agree with much, but the overall idea is of course true.

It may happen that love dominates, and it SHOULD; but talking in general, why would one like leave their sweet home for a jungle? Everyone wants betterment in their life with time, so it's not wrong to wish for a successful person to become your husband. Marrying off a girl is already such a life-taking task for Indian parents; why would they want to send their girl to a poorer man!
Love, though is a different ball game altogether; the ideal concept goes like, "we are made for each other, and whether you're successful or not, we'll be together and work together to bring success to the two of us. We don't mind struggling for a good life, as long as we're together." No selfishness involved — we are two people, but we are one.

Despite this, as I said and you also did, we can't rule out the practicality.

Tanay November 28, 2010 at 8:02 PM  

And the portion I disagreed with, (not exactly disagreed, but it could've been avoided in the context) was this:
"And no matter how highly we might .... girl's psyche."

The scope of this para's practicality is going down day by day, as our society is changing. But the topic of the article is an ever-relevant one, so the two ideas shouldn't be mixed.

anubhuti,  December 2, 2010 at 5:13 PM  

dislike :|

anubhuti,  December 2, 2010 at 5:13 PM  

dislike :|

Vini December 9, 2010 at 2:06 AM  

umm...I, without a doubt, agree with the idea..absolutely practical..but as tanay said, may be 'few' inclusions (read:intrusions) could have been kept away. That would have shaped/validated the content more effectively i guess...

Anonymous,  February 1, 2011 at 4:43 PM  

Very nice indeed I’ll probably download it. Thanks.

Sugandha February 1, 2011 at 8:59 PM  

Anonymous, I wonder :
1. who are you.
2. What is nice.
3. What'll you download.

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