Thoughts In Play (T.I.P)

"Sometimes, the mystical beauty around me makes me wonder, something so divine and pious must be venting out from a source truly sacrosanct ", and that is when I am compelled to believe in the existence of an almighty power."

That was an extract from my own article, written a long time back, titled, GOD, SPIRITUALITY AND RELIGION .... (the real one)

I've always been slightly confused about my religious and spiritual beliefs, though, that I'm spiritual but not religious, is a stance that I've forever maintained and perhaps, still do. No matter how rational I try to be, I just can't let myself ignore all that is divine, cosmic, explicitly or implicitly beautiful in and around the universe we live in. The enigma of nature, of music or anything else that touches my soul and heart wrings me within, as if compelling me to believe in the existence of the so-called 'god'. But my own statement quoted above, "something so so divine MUST be venting out from a source utterly sacrosanct," looks LAME to me, right now.

Why now? I do not know. Maybe 'coz we grow, with each day, each new acquaintance, each experience, each observation, each new thought, each envision and so on. And of course, there's no reason why it won't be this way for me too.

Frankly, I feel that my constant telling myself and others that there 'must' be something godly, for whatever reasons, is a way of self satisfaction, or to make it sound better, a thin ray of hope, of optimism. Something similar to what Aamir Khan a.k.a Rancho preached in most of ours' favorite, 3 Idiots—Place your hand close to your heart and say 'al iz well...al iz well..", fooling our heart in tougher times by telling it, "everything's alright! Yeah, all is fine!” Can you sense the striking similarity in the two situations, the way I can? Isn't that what we, alright, let's say 'I', too am doing, in trying to convince myself, there ‘has’ to be a god, his highness, yeah!

Do you sense my beliefs bending towards atheism? I do. It's not optimism turning into pessimism; it's like clearing the mist in front of one’s eyes to be able to see things clearer, as they actually are. It's like asking your heart to shut up, sit in one corner and let the brain do it's job. (Quoting myself here—"The brain is way too intelligent and infallible. But dammit, it always falls for the heart and gets defeated!")
Let me share with you, all those thoughts over god-related perceptions that stand as the reason for this gradual but continuous transition. A closer look at all that actually matters, here:

1. The practice of 'praying': Why do we have to pray? In times of good to thank or in worse ones, to plead for help, why at all do we need to pray? Is it to please god? Would he punish me if I don't? Or will I not be allowed to have a life as happy as those who do, if I do not pray regularly or sometimes or at whatever frequency?
Well, if the answer is yes, then I'm afraid to say, how is god 'god' and not human? I don't find it wrong to expect the universe's caretaker to be at every 'child' of his' beck and call, in times of dire need, without waiting for him to fall on his knees in prayer or without checking his records, how many times a day does he call his name.
An ordinary human being too, no matter how nice, pure hearted and selfless, would be pleased if he's 'worshiped'. No? Like the ones who have 'the seat(s)'? The people in power? Unscrupulous, irresponsible, worthless, tactical, cheap, shameless and the list goes on... the list of adjectives almost all of us use for these 'powerful' people. But then, ultimately they are the ones run after, appeased, showered with presents and stuff like that, to get some work done. Is or isn't the practice of praying on the same lines? I wonder.

2. Dukh mein sumiran sab karein, sukh mein kare na koi..? (A popular Hindi doublet that says everybody remembers god during the hard times, but no one does in the happy ones)
Even an ordinary human being wouldn't let someone forget a favor he did to him. He may or may not bring it up again and again, but somewhere, he expects that person to just NOT FORGET a good deed of his and if he dares to, he'll be reminded of it, directly or indirectly, at some time or the other. Maybe even punished, given a chance, we call it 'revenge', isn't it?
So? Does god take revenge, if I do not pray to him? Or if I dare to forget the last time he had been generous to me? If I forgot to thank him for my last blessing, will I be reminded of his might, through something tougher coming BANG on my head? As if mincing with a smirk, "Now you know who I am? B-|".
I do not say, that it is justified to remember your supreme's name in the needy times and not give a damn to anyone else in the better of them. But yes, that's still evil, selfish, immature; in short, human. And 'god' surely, isn't human! So, to expect a difference between the two, is that wrong on my part? I don't think so.

3. Those suffering are paying for their deeds of previous birth? Eh?
Well, 'forgiveness' was one of the few lessons I got as a child, every one of us did, isn't it? So, is god an exception for it?
Nowhere do I tend to mean that one should be allowed to live the way he used to, after committing a hideous crime, but, with a 'god' always keeping an eye on my actions, why at all would he let me tread on the wrong path? While I'm committing a sin, is he resting in his place calmly, saying, "When the time comes, she'll repent for this. My punishment would take care of that." Well, if that is how it is, I'd like to mention that even my parents, who're human beings, won't let me go on with it if they're seeing or noticing me going the wrong way. They won't think that 'let's let her do it, then we can punish her and make her repent for it.' So, aren't our parents, ordinary beings of flesh and bones and emotions, more 'godly' than 'god' himself?

4. God please make this happen, I'll do this and that...!!
"Bribing" is the word for this, no matter how rude. I know this is a practice on the part of humans only but to be honest, I see it working many a time. Umm... shouldn't 'god' try and bring an end to it rather than encourage the trend even more? I feel so.

5. Why do the superstitious ones seem happier to me?
Now this is a personal, heart felt opinion. It's not about blaming god 'coz of some difficulty that has popped up in my life (I myself made a sarcastic statement some time back- "one should believe in god, for that gives us a name to blame, for anything that goes amiss") but in general, the people who visit the temple daily, maybe black hearted inside but big god-fearing for the outer world, taking cash and kind from under the table and then donating a part of it in religious places, or okay, among the poor and things like that, seem to be only prospering and flourishing more with time, while millions of people—women and kids, in particular, seem to be literally suffering for no fault of theirs, in a hell lot of ways.
For my parents, all three of their kids are the same and that is how it is, for all parents, right? Then why is god's approach to life not even comparable to that of his own 'creation'— human beings? Talk about double standards or what?

I do not know, how sane or insane I sound. The best of philosophy comes in the worst of times: so I believe. And somewhere, that alone has led me to a change of mind and heart. How fair or unfair it is, I do not know. All that I know is, even if 'god' exists, if THIS is what he is like, then I, couldn't care less.

I see myself turning into a complete atheist, some years down the line. Till then, contemplation continues...

PS: Needless to say, the thoughts expressed hereby are totally my own, bearing no intention to hurt anyone. But I do not believe in the concept of saying all that you want and then ending it with a 'no offence meant', to avoid bringing up any sort of controversy. I'd be rather obliged if I get to hear back your views on the same, as harsh or as sweet, you'd want them to be.

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Soul Sister

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Girls and Dengue :P

"Your attention please. Dengue is on a breakout and it is very important to beware in this season. As per the directives of the Delhi govt. you have to wear full sleeved white shirts and blue jeans for some time now."

-went the sudden announcement on the telecom by Sister Therese, our principal. I remember, I was in the classical music room then and sir wasn't there. So we had been sitting in groups, chatting. None of us could really believe it initially. Why? You'd have known if you had been in a girls convent where even the kameez of your salwar-suit was not supposed to go above your knees. P.T.A meets, Teacher's Day, even tests conducted in other schools on School offs- an H.C.S girl had to be in uniform anywhere and everywhere. You can imagine how big a lament it must've been for 'her' at times, considering that girls have a life-long fling with their clothes, you know. The white suit with red polka dots was one plight and other schools not being as stringent with the uniform thing as ours, was another.

"..but make sure you maintain the decorum of the uniform. Keep it simple, the way a uniform is supposed to be."

-continued the announcement, much to everyone's ignorance. The students couldn't care less.

The next day, I found every one quite enthused. Girls, as all were, welcoming every new entry to the class with a smile and a stare from bottom to up and vice versa. This is one thing about girls I sort of dislike, unless it's too simple a uniform, they can't resist checking out each others' outfit, scrutinizing it to the hilt. That's how a girl greets another, normally. And specially on a rare occasion when they are not alike, not in the same uniform. I remember getting a "hiiiiiiiii!!!!" from one of my friends during the Christmas fete while her eyes oscillated up and down, much to my embarrassment since I normally don't resort to such things. It's funny, but we are like that, girls check out girls as much as boys do.

Anyway, the white shirts that everyone was wearing seemed too ordinary to the female eyes, so it was each others' pair of jeans that caught attention (and comments :P). "Dekh, iski jeans achhi hai!", pointed one of my friends at me in our group when I went for the lunch. I gave a puzzled look saying, "eh, kya hua?" "Nothing, ye keh rahi thi sab extra fancy jeans pehen kar aye hain, which is actually looking silly". "Er, ok!". I couldn't agree more, many seemed to have got way too excited about it, an opportunity of a lifetime sort of, flashing every little bling thing in their wardrobe. 'Uniform', was it?

The teachers had a hard time scolding girls and trying to get everyone's dressing right. The fashionistas stylized the whole look by adorning the classic outfit with accessories- metallic belts, sporty shoes, different styles of tucking the shirt in, various designs and variations in the white shirt( the plain white shirts were soon done away with by many. "Miss, what can we do, we don't have any other and we can't go and buy a new one now!", was the excuse)

The teachers sighed, the girls enj-aayed (rhyming!! :P)

A caricature of an H.C.S girl
made by some unknown soul

That was when I was just in 9th standard and every year henceforth, the "Dengue season" had some suffering and some, dressing. :P The word 'uniform' was re-defined and we got to see, what a world of a difference girls could bring to this till now boring thing called 'uniform', given just a little freedom.

Well, life in a girls school surely is a different ball game altogether, keep the debates apart, it's fun in its own right. Some things can be really funny and great and totally adorable and .....blah blah (Oh come on, I spent 10 years in one, what else do you expect me to say? ;) )

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We, the not-so-great citizens of a great nation.

"Mr.Indian" is an enthusiastic patriot, so say his acquaintances and he himself. Yes, a patriot. Not that he has immense love for his country or that he can sacrifice anything for it, but he does have his own reasons for declaring in front of everyone "I am the reflection of a true patriotic Indian personified". Wanna know his 'reasons' (and the interesting paradoxes involved too, that make his patriotism more ironical than anything!) ? Here we go..... so Mr.Indian proudly claims that he loves his country :

Coz he gets mesmerized listening to patriotic songs (and yawns and chats with the people around during the national anthem. Wonder if he even bothers to give a short sigh of relief to that sofa he's sitting on, to stand for a few minutes while the anthem is being played.)

Coz he considers his country-land, his bharat maata, while his own maata (mother) lies much ignored in an unknown corner of the house that she and her husband built for their only son with much toil and sweat, like a lifetime ago. She knows well, she is nothing but a 'burden' for her son now. Afterall, it takes him & his family so much effort to look after the ailing woman! An added effort for his wife to make two extra chapatis, even as the rest of the family feasts upon yummy Dominoes' pizzas and soft drinks. An extra effort to hand over a glass of plain water when she asks for it, if ever she does, after overcoming the fear of being scolded or abused by her son-turned-'responsible man' and his wife, who the old lady once welcomed to the house, in the loveliest manner possible.

Coz he hates the whites, the angrez, as he calls them. "In firangion ne hamare desh ko barbaad karne ki koshish ki thi!", says he, very aggressively, in a yet another 'passionate' discussion with office mates, during their working hours. While at the same time accepting 'tokens of affection' in cash and kind, from under the table. Sure Mr.Indian, who can talk about desh ki barbaadi better than you!

Coz he has no respect for the foreign tourists here, no matter how much revenue they bring to "his India's" coffers. And hence he has nothing to say to that taxi driver who misbehaves shamelessly with the white lady, right in front his eyes or to the street vendor overcharging an American tourist. They 'deserve it', he claims. Though he himself longs for the day when his son will be taken in by a big international company after passing out of the country's most reputed institution where the government is spending lakhs of money annually on him and other students like him, in hope of getting well trained professionals who'd strive to take the nation's progress to another level, who'll put in their very best to help turn this hitherto 'developing', but much deserving to be counted in one of the best, country into a developed one. But no, this is not what he wants for his son. He wants him to be enslaved day and night by the countries these "firangi" tourists come from. Good going Mr.Indian. Way to go!

Coz he is powerful with words and can leave anybody behind in calling every politician a blood sucking scoundrel and the government a total failure. Even as he doesn't let go of even an hour of his holiday nap on an election day. Voting? Poora desh pada hai karne ko!! Mr.Indian, aap desh mein nahi hain kya?

Coz he hates English and the fact that it is increasingly gaining importance due to globalization. That he doesn't know it at all, is a different matter altogether. He just loathes it, loathes the language that is training his son to be an internationally viable professional. Err...what were we talking about? Patriotism, yeah right!

Coz he wants every Indian to progress, so that the nation can also progress with them, well atleast he says so. Even as his daughter is not allowed to study further. Tum ladki ho! Zyada pair bahar nikalne ki zaroorat nahi hai! Ladka banne ki koshish mat karo. Mr.Indian, 'every Indian' means only boys? Even if girls prove to be much more capable and competitive professionals? Or should we know by seeing people like you, why women still are NOT equal to men, in our country? No, please don't make big speeches, we all know the truth, women are NOT equal to men here, not yet and its high time we accept this so that something can be done about it! 'Coz unless we admit something is wrong, how can we set it right? But no, with a major chunk of the people comprising of "Mr.Indians", how can we think of 'every Indian' rising high.

Coz he loves India's cultural and regional diversity, knows and respects the fact that we are known world-over for our 'unity in diversity' and that we are one secular country. (And looks at every Muslim with devil looks as if saying to himself- "all of them are terrorists!!")

So, that was "Mr.Indian", a real Indian? A true nation lover? A passionate patriot? Or, just a hypocrite? We all know what the truth is. And how many such "Mr.Indians" do you think exist in our society today? Any answer? Well, I have one and that answer is- MANY. I'll tell you why I feel so, but before that I have something to ask you.

Have you at any time made a statement like "Is desh ka kuch nahi ho sakta!"?
Have you ever felt unlucky for having taken birth here?
Have you at any time said to yourself with a deep sigh "Kaash mai wahan hota!" ?
Have you ever publicly criticized every little or not so little thing going amiss in any corner of this country?

If your answer to any of these questions is a 'yes', I'm afraid, you too are one "Mr.Indian". Maybe you do not make fake claims of being a proud Indian, of being ready to do anything for your country, but you are just as big a hypocrite, as him. How?

Ask yourself, who makes a nation? What makes a huge piece of land walled by imaginary man-made boundaries, a 'nation'? It is, the people. India is, whatever it is, because of the way 'we', its citizens, are. Since ages we've been hearing, "be the change you want", "don't just criticize, do something about it", but unless we love our country, respect our nationality, as it is, how can we go about doing anything for the country? You make an effort for someone, only when you really love that person, why at all can this not be true for our relationship with our motherland? For a change, can't we just bring ourselves to understand that there's absolutely no nation as perfect as we want it to be. You know why? Coz WE ourselves, the people who constitute a nation, aren't perfect! We have our vices and our virtues. And it's when our vices superpower our virtues, that we go on the path of wrong, and our country on the path we don't want it to take.

Honestly, there is no great effort you need to put in to be a genuine patriot, to show that you really love your country and are proud to be an Indian, to feel "Mera Bharat Mahan". All that you need to do is be an "Indian" and not a "Mr.Indian", just go on fulfilling your every responsibility most righteously- your responsibility as a son, as a father, as a husband, as an employee, as a civilized citizen, as a human being and so on.

'WE'...

If there is anything at all bad about India, it is 'we'. Think over it, the corruption, the deceit, the discrimination, the violence and other multifarious factors we curse India for, who actually have injected them into our soil? No points for guessing, it is 'we'! 'We' build the nation the way it is, either 'we' have to change ourselves, if we truly want to make our nation at par with the best or else we have the least right to declare "is desh ka kuch nahi ho sakta", coz in that case we are being no less than "Mr.Indian" and we have already seen, how respectful a country-man he makes for. Talking more directly, if 'we' are the defaulters, 'we' are the ones 'jinka kuch nahi ho sakta', 'we' are the ones who don't deserve to have taken birth in this legendary soil. Bad Indians make India bad.

I hope and wish I've been able to express myself completely. We need to learn to accept our shortcomings gracefully but also be proud of our strengths. Need I mention what they are? The worth of relationships, family, humanity, emotions and so on, these are the endowments we have been inheriting since time eternal, from the very roots of our huge, ever-flourishing tree of love, values and cultural richness. It is only when 'we' let go off these, that we move on the downwards going curve in the graph of growth and so does our nation.

Sure a lot needs to be done for India, and who'll do that? 'We'! But before that, we have to become real INDIANS and not the hypocritic "Mr.INDIANS", if we really want to get the nation of our dreams and aspirations.

Believe it or not, we have every potential to achieve what 'they' (the other nations we might tend to fantasize to be in) have, but what 'we' have HERE, 'they' can never even understand its worth, let alone achieve it! Afterall, kuch bhi kaho yaar, mera Bharat hai mahaan.

P.S: As to why the main protagonist is called as "Mr.Indian" here, well, HAIL SARCASM!! ;)

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