Do women really go for successful men only? Even if yes, SO WHAT!

• With the hope of being read by calm, thinking minds, who can understand what all I'm talking about, and what all not.
• And with all the guts to least care about being misinterpreted.

"They say, behind every successful man is a woman. But that's 'coz women go for successful men only. It's true friends..."

it's not me saying so. It was a message, a forward, that said so, on my phone one day. And for a change, the feminist streak of my mind didn't revolt against the idea. Rather, the first mental response that flashed was—"so what?".

How do I sound? Mean? Selfish? Greedy? Or shameless? Well, if indeed it's one of these adjectives, I couldn't care less. Seriously. 

For I fail to understand, IF at all it is so indeed, what's wrong about it, huh? No, a man's success alone IS not and MUST NOT be what makes a girl (let's talk "STRAIGHT-forwardly" :P) fall for him. It should definitely not be the first thing you (a woman) should look for, in a man. And it, most certainly,  shouldn't be what the two's love is based upon, 'coz if that is how it is, then it isn't even 'love' in the first place. But, to keep it as one of the factors under consideration when planning for the future, to be practical and not "blind":is it wrong? When talking in context of serious relationships, hoped to turn into something bigger, like maybe, marriage? 

Now this is what am NOT talking about!!

According to the construct of our society, a girl is supposed to part from her family, her parents and home—where and with whom she grew up, forever one day. After that, it's her and her 'new family', that have to be together for the life ahead. More specifically, the man. The husband. 

And no matter how highly we might speak of woman-empowerment, of their progress and stuff, one fact is undeniable—a family and its lifestyle, it's still hugely controlled by the man himself. Neither the male ego/self-respect, nor our age-old 'tradition', approve of a household with a 'house-husband' and a working lady. All in all, a LOT depends on what the man does. Or earns. Which probably and inherently, imparts the "practical" streak to a girl's psyche. 

With that said and told, anything more remains unspoken? Is it, thus, not fair enough for a girl to think about her future when making such a significant decision of her life? What's selfish about it? It's only practical! It is known from hear-say, that after a certain number of years of wedlock, relationships are no more defined by the mushy-mushy teenage concepts of attraction, affection, care and prettiness. They delve into a form lot less fantastic than that. 
Marriage—an association of two people, their body, soul and mind, their families and most importantly, their lives. And it's not the guy who has to change his way of living (which is how it has been since more than two decades), who has to leave his beloved family behind and live with another one all of a sudden, it's the girl who has to do so. A small sacrifice, is it?!

The separation. 

That is all what I mean. There's much against girls that guys say everywhere, always bringing their honesty and reliability under the scanner. From what I have observed, men are way too rash about such decisions in their teens or twenties. While after marriage, with every flying year, their once 'I-will-die-for-you' spirit of love eventually fades away. Women, on the other hand, are a lot more selective, choosy and careful prior to marriage. Which turns them the villain for the ones they don't pay heed to. But after marriage, as caretakers of entire households, they are a lot more dedicated and responsible. Observation, nothing else.


I wish someone could take note of the mound of sacrifices that make a girl's life before cursing women, for influencing their decisions about relationships and commitments on the other one's status/salary/lifestyle/whatever you may call it. If no one else, then your mom. Afterall, she was a girl too, some time back. And your sister. What kind of a guy would you want to hand over her life to, the day her life's most important decision lies in your hands? This one question, can help you think like a girl, and understand her psychology.

That says it all, probably. But I must add, that yes, there's a line to it. A line that differentiates 'practicality' from 'greediness'. And a girl who knows how to stay within that line for good, won't look at a man's success/wealth (they both need not always come together, afterall) as the first priority. She won't fall for him only after being lured by his lavish lifestyle, 'coz as a matter of fact, that isn't what "falling for" is all about, actually. No doubt, a pure relationship has to be about love, care and understanding, first and foremost. 


No doubt, the man deserves to be loved and respected by his woman, not for his success or wealth, but for how highly he places her in his life.

....for in the end, it's got to be about love and love alone. Otherwise, it's a farce, a deception. 

PS1- Only the sensible, serious breed of people qualify to be considered in this post.


PS2- I speak with -NIL- experience. So I automatically become forgivable for anything awry. :)

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"She" and "he". And love.

'She' has got something to say about her 'The guy':


He-

• shouldn't be perfect. Else I don't deserve him.
• shouldn't be complete. Else what will, I do in his life?

• should be ambitious, driven. 'Coz am not.
• should be emotionally stable. 'Coz am not.    

• shouldn't be too short tempered. 'Coz I am.
• should be honest. Again, 'coz I am.

• should be understanding. More than I am.
• should be mature. More than I am. 

• should be caring. But I'll be more.
• should be sensitive. But I'll be more.

• should be loyal. Like I will be.
• should be faithful. Like I will be.

• should feel for me like am 'made for him'. 
• 'Coz with that alone in his heart, all that said above falls dim. 

Why I wrote this? The message?

A little self hypothesis, about 'true love' and relationships. 

I wonder, the reason why god made every one imperfect, was to leave scope for them to be completed by some-ONE, who'd be imperfect too. But the two together, would fill all voids. 

There have to be some traits or interests, too similar and some, too opposite, a few absent in one but present in the other, and a few, absent in both.....and so on....for the two to strike the right 'balance' in their relationship. And lead life happily. Ever after. (clichéd as it may sound)

And hence, an imperfect "SHE" coupled with another imperfect "HE", would together create perfection. Would create symphony. 

The symphony of life. 

Of love. 

True love. 

Says,


thanks for reading...

:-)

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Memories

Memories.... snapshots of the loveliest (or the ugliest) moments of life, that created a huge impact on our internal self, 'once upon a time'.
When someone said, "there are some things that money can't buy", he was talking about memories only, I guess. 'Coz nothing can ever be more priceless than these pieces, that when brought together, complete the most puzzling jigsaw of life, called LIFE itself! We cherish them, value them, but don't want to let go of them, ever. Not just 'coz they give pleasure, but 'coz they give definition to the phenomenon called, "growing up".

How many of your "firsts" do you still remember? How many of those 'mind pictures' have faded or begun to fade, and how many are still, as good as new? 


Here's a small attempt to re-realize, how the price of these priceless bits, is no much less than that of life itself. How some things can bring tears in eyes at any point of life, irrespective of how long it's been. Yes.


These are a few of my memories, my "firsts" I still can picture happening, in the backbone of mind, as good as yesterday. This post ain't for me, this post is only BY me, but FOR you. All that you've to do is move down gradually, one by one flipping the yellowing pages of records that our mind, heart and soul have been striving to keep together, since oh-so long. 


1. Your first crush? 


2. Your first day at school?


3. The first time you were able to ride a bicycle without falling, without the supporting wheels, or the supporting hands, of dad?


4. The first greeting card you drew yourself, for someone important?


5. The first time your parents said to you, "I am proud of you my child" and really meant it?


6. The first time you braved to go up on the stage in front of an audience? Maybe to narrate a thirsty crow story or sing a Humpty-Dumpty rhyme?


7. The first moment of pride, when everyone clapped for you?


8. The first time you hit someone?


9. The first time you were slapped for a mistake that wasn't yours?


10. The first time you failed in an exam?


11. The first time you came first? In any kinda competition? 


12. The first time you felt cheated? deceived? maybe by a close one?


13. Your first/worst moment of embarrassment?


14. Your first/best moment of victory?


15. Your first/best noble deed ever?


16. The first time you were laughed at. Maybe 'coz of a silly question?


17. The first time you broke down. In front of somebody. Anybody? 


18. Some special, unforgettable encounter with a stranger?


19. Your first/worst ever accident? Maybe just an escape by chance?


20. The first time someone made your heartbeats run faster? Made you nervous? (you know what I mean.....)


....you see, it's a never ending list. You may like to add more or delete some of the points, as per your will. But that's not important. All that I wish you would do is, sit for a while, in calmness and patience, and recollect as many memories from the past, as possible. They don't have to be your firsts only! They just have to be- memories! Once you are able to just step on that line I want you to take, for the next few minutes, you'll soon see yourself walking the rest of it, on your own. Simply speaking, from one node to another, as you'll pass from one sweet-little-nothing (or everything) of the past, to another, you'll sense yourself getting drenched in the droplets of the heavy showers that follow. 

Trust me, it's more beneficial than what you can even think of. If you could see it through my eyes, you'd be able to see yourself growing up over the years, learning from various mistakes, falling bad but still getting up all the time, loving and being loved, caring and being cared for, laughing and being laughed at, as a child gazing at the world in utter amazement and as a 'grown-up'  telling yourself to 'take care, be mean if needed, 'coz the world is full of scavengers'.......you'll see, LIFE!  Not your life or my life, but life as a whole!


What more can I say. I'm so enthusiastic. My mind is getting flooded with numerous such instances from my own life. But I want YOU to do this. Yes, please do this. If you feel like (if you can overcome your usual laziness) share here, for all of us to recollect similar anecdotes from our own life. It has the power to bring precious-as-pearl smiles, tears, sighs and emotions. I'd only LOVE to read from you, if you allow me to :)


And if you want me also to share these (or more) pieces from my life, tell me about it. I really wouldn't mind it. Infact I'd be only happier, if my readers care about it.


PS- How did I sound? Stupid? Lost? Preachy? Over excited? Or, all of these? 


I don't know. It's just a fantastic feeling to be able to (or okay, try to)  drive others, my beautiful readers, into a line of thought that I've ALWAYS been hooked onto. My sister jokingly calls me, "yaadein taazu". I need just ONE reason/point to trigger the process I just described above, am always on the verge of it. Might be a little pakau for some, but who cares! 
The thing is, of you liked it all, TRY IT!!! And I wish you let me know if any sensation went down your spine/heart/mind etc. If you could feel your own memories fill you with enlightenment. If you too realized, the greatest of all philosophers lies within ourselves, waiting to be brought out in the light. 


Did I forget to mention, it's a very healthy and intelligent mental exercise too? :-)

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And you thought love has no limits? :P

Who says love has no limits?

Doesn't it limit you to just one person?

;) :P

Says,

thanks for reading...

DO NOT COPY! ;)

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My first stage mess

We had gone for an after-dinner stroll that night. As it always was, the after-dinner family walks meant lots of gup-shup between mom and dad, and ice cream for us, the kids. Not that we didn't indulge in the gup-shup, but obviously, it was the ice cream that mattered more.
As we were walking our way back home, dad came up with an idea, a decision rather. And to my displeasure, mom was more than just willing to go for it. Rather, to make me go for it.
"We have a function coming up in our office. Children of staff members will be participating in the show, singing, dancing etc. I was thinking, why not have Sugandha take part in it?", dad announced the disastrous suggestion. 
"NO!", I erupted. Thank god I overheard him.
"Why no? Yes, it's a good idea. It's always good to have such exposure to help build your self confidence. So, you'll be singing there." Mom declared. 
The "thank god!" went wasted, perhaps.


My jaw dropped down and finishing the ice cream now seemed like a burden to me. And my kid bro and sis, were only giggling naughtily, relishing their ice cream. And my expressions.


It sounded like a terrible idea to me. Dad's office, the Chandini Chowk branch of SBI, then. A place that I had never really 'liked'.  And there, I was going to, guess what,  sing!! How old was I? 6th standard I guess. All my stage experience in school came a little later, from 7th standard onwards. Till then, I had been only into group singing. The only solos were speeches, recitations etc, but unfortunately, that wasn't what I was supposed to do this time.

When it was time to select the song I was to "perform" there, I thought I should sing the song that our western music troupe had performed recently, at the school annual function. 
Infact, in that performance, I hadn't sung. Rather, I had played a "kid Casio"(SA-11, I remember). It was a choir actually. And to escape wearing the terrible magenta satin 'coats' that the vocalists were supposed to wear, I had told our sir that I'd rather play the little casio along with the so many other students, than sing. He suggested otherwise, but I was determined. To not wear that freaking satin shimmering magenta. Black, the color for the instrumentalists, looked still better though. 


Ah I digressed too much. Anyway, so I knew the annual function song well enough as initially, in the rehearsals, I was also singing, but as explained, had instead decided to be one of many instrumentalists in it, later.
So it was done, THE song was going to be THE song, at dad's office function. Freaky.


It was the D-day. It was not a huge gathering, but not a small one either. Dad's colleagues, their kids and family were all around. Uninteresting, was the word. As my name was called, I went up there on the stage. Dad tried a lot to make me comfortable, coming up on the stage again and again asking if I need water or anything. But nothing could shoo away my nervousness, that I was trying hard to hide. Some  important officers sat in the front rows. They were the special guests.........B.O.R.I.N.G !!!


My phobia has been with smaller crowds/audiences. I find it easier to perform in front of a bigger crowd than a smaller one, 'coz you don't see anyone staring right into your face, when there's a huge audience sitting in the front unlike a smaller gathering, where you can "feel the attention" much more prominently.


I began singing on a shaky note. Spelled nervousness. Clearly. The voice became a little firmer after that, but when it was time to raise the pitch higher, the chorus part, my voice broke. Badly.


Guess what did I do then? I- CRIED! Right there on the stage! In front of an audience. Dad's efforts to make me comfortable had failed miserably. And I started crying there on the stage. Everything was halted, just like my song. First the breaking away of the voice and then, my crying. What could be more embarrassing than that!


I stood there clueless. It didn't occur to me to move down the stage, perhaps that'd have been even more loser-like. But I didn't do anything else either. I just stood. And cried. The mic in my hand, ON or not I don't remember, but I CRIED goddamit! Huh!

Alright now, I just got no other pic. DUH :-/

Some minutes later, the front row officers/chief guests/whoever they were (as if I cared), started encouraging a little bit to start again. They clapped (sounds like a scene straight out of a kids' movie, doesn't it? Duh!) and started saying, "gaao beta..gaao..aage gaao....koi baat nahi..bohot achcha gaa rahe ho..." etc. I thought, okay. I can't just keep standing here. In order to get over with it, I've to GET OVER WITH IT! Sing it, do it and hence get the hell outta here. So I started again and completed the freaking song this time. The damned portion was still a bit strained, but okay. It didn't matter. The objective was to get done and get over. QUICK.


There was some applause, people clapped. Blah blah...come on, it wasn't 'coz I had done anything great. But isn't that what the custom is? Everything done on the stage has to be clapped for, which is gentle-man/woman-ly enough. So there was no reason the people there won't clap for me too. Even though I'd been pathetic. And then, I was just a kid yaar. Uncles, and aunties came up later. As they always do, to encourage the little kid (that's me, silly), sing (false) praises of my hellish performance and make dad 'happy and proud' (false again), "bohot achcha gaati hai bitiya".


"Arrey uncle, jhoot to mat bolo. Yahan mera kabada ho gaya aur aap kehte ho achcha gaati hai!...huh!!!", I wish I could tell them this. Sad, kids can't speak on such occasions.


There's no "moral of the story" here. Am not gonna preach, "we should never lose hope... never get disheartened....get up after every fall...not let the failures let you down...." etc etc...bullshit. It was a horrible experience. Nothing more than that. And my first stage mess. Total mess. 

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