Friendship: What It Is and What It Isn't

I personally believe that friendship is sometimes over-rated. People who are colleagues, classmates or room-mates, are bound to interact. That is how friendship begins. They spend more time together, discuss more things, help each other at times and share stuff... that is how friendship grows. But at the end of it, friendship—unlike love—is always conditional, of course, unless it imbibes love too! I have seen, felt and experienced it, when two people really love each other, or are fond of each other (and they don't have to be a couple for that), only that friendship is pure, selfless and divine. Sans love, sans fondness, sans affection, friendship is just a name for a more mechanical entity of the world—necessity. 

The definition of friendship and its implications vary from person to person. What if two people with different ideals about such relationships become friends? Rifts are likely to take place, isn't it? No, it isn't. If two people really are good friends, if they can understand each other's point-of-view than merely accept it, the bonding will flourish with time. Don't know about you, but this is what I believe.

I, in general, am not a very friendly person. It is very hard, and easy at the same time, for me to really consider somebody as a friend of mine. My parameters are stringent, but few. I don't know how good or bad that is, but let me tell you one thing: it has helped me know people really well, so far. No, I won't take it if you say one shouldn't judge people. Who doesn't? In fact, it is a psychological phenomenon to form an opinion about somebody, to think what kind of a person they are, what are their vices and virtues etc. And when that 'somebody' happens to be a friend you spend a lot of time with, you are bound to know the person inside-out, and that is what often gets mistaken for being judgmental. Please note: only strangers judge you, friends just know you. 

In this post, I publish my views about friendship—what it is and what it isn't. Some will agree with me, most may not; or the vice versa. Opinions, observations, feelings... whatever you may call them, they are mine and for me to keep. I don't intend to hurt anybody, but you may call this post my attempt to give a reality check to people who constantly crib about their friends not living up to their sky-high 'expectations'. I would say, it would be favorable for them a) to think how fair is it to expect from people they call 'friends', miracles which they themselves might not perform and, b) to think how good a 'friend' they really are.

Friendship: 12 things about what it is, and what it isn't—

1. Friendship is not necessarily a bonding between two similar people.
   Friendship is when two people understand (and not just accept) each other better than most others, even if they are poles apart.


2. Friendship is not about doing each other's work or making sacrifices. (If one gives a sacrifice and the other accepts it, he or she sure cannot be a good friend. Real friends don't use each other.)
   Friendship is when two people are always there to help and support each other, no matter what, no matter when.


3. Friendship is not just about consoling each other in times of distress and/or saying that you are sad for them.
   Friendship is more about rejoicing in your friend's achievements, feeling happy for and proud of them.


4. Remembering the mistakes your friend might have made in the past and using the same as an all-time-ready weapon to win arguments is not what friendship is.
   Remembering the good that they did or do for you is certainly what it is.


5. Keeping grudges, doubts and complaints about something within yourself, and discussing them with others is not friendship.
   Clarifying them first with your friend and only then anybody else, is friendship.


6. Not liking it if somebody appreciates or compliments your friend is definitely not friendship. 
   Applauding your friend for good work, and most importantly, motivating them to do even better than they presently do, is the best part of a great friendship.


7. Friendship does not include disliking the other person yet sticking to him/her, just because the others are worse.
   Friendship does include not disliking or hating the person even if there is something about them that irks or annoys you. Irritation is temporary, hatred is forever.


8. Friendship is absolutely not about always agreeing with each other.
   Friendship is about taking it easy if the other person doesn't agree with you and not thinking that he/she is not as good as you because they differ. (Accept it, you wouldn't be friends with them if they weren't good people. And if they really are, what drew you to them in the first place?)


9. Friendship never was, and never can be, a formality or responsibility you are bound to bear when you don't want to. 
   Friendships are made at will and if the need ever be, given up at will... because you don't want to get into ill-feelings. Better over than bitter.
   


10. Friendship is not about constraining yourself because something might hit your friend. In fact, there is no such thing between good friends. 
    Friendship is about being as crazy, as wild, as stupid and as free  as you want to be, in each other's company.


11. Friendship is not about secretly enjoying it when someone or something puts them down.
    Friendship is about forgetting everything else and fighting for each other when the need be.


12. Good friends are not many.
    The few that are, are worth a lifetime.

Allow me to say, everything else—and that really means everything else—is sheer pastime.

P.S: Agree/disagree? Let me know through the comments below.