A letter to Santa
Dear Santa,
you know it very well, I never believed in you as a kid, 'coz there was nothing I wanted to ask you for, so happy was I with all things tiny, small, big or say, slightly bigger in life.
If I couldn't get my favorite ice-cream, I relished a cheaper one with equal, rather even more, excitement and pleasure, valuing the fact that atleast I got what I love the most: an ice cream.
I wore what I loved to (the bright and happy colors, the cartoons, the fairy-dresses...anything) or rather, what my loved ones wanted to see me in. The terms "fashion" or "style" never existed in my dictionary and what others would say or think, never mattered.
I was happy with all the people around, their negatives never troubled me, 'coz as a matter of fact, I never saw any. All the things, all the people seemed nice, pleasant souls. No one looked fake, probably 'coz no one was or maybe 'coz my innocent eyes were blind to anything bad, back then.
Everyone was a friend. Even if someone fought, a patch-up was the next step by default. So pure our hearts were, so forgiving, so kind: so god-like.
...and so so many other things. It was such a nice life. Such a happy life, 'coz happiness used to be so cheap, so readily available: in an ice cream, in a new dress, in mumma's stories or papa's hugs, in a new toy (no matter how cheap it might be) or simply, in a smile! And that too, a smile that had nothing unpleasant veiled under it.
It was everywhere, happiness was everywhere.
Actually, life wasn't as happy, as my little eyes saw it to be.
How? 'Coz I was innocent and my pure heart never allowed me to be dissatisfied with life.
Whatever I had was good enough and even if I wanted something, my parents' assurance that they'll get it for me was just enough! I trusted them and they trusted my trust.
So I never believed in you, 'coz I had no reason to !!
***
But life's different now, or I have made it so, okay, knowingly or unknowingly. Today, there is no count of the things I'd want to ask you for and the funniest part is, I still won't be happy. Not as happy as I used to be, then.
I've grown up from being a kid. Grown up in age, in height, in IQ but unfortunately, not in innocence, not in contentment, not in happiness. While I grew up, my innocence kept dying and I became meaner, greedier and more and more dissatisfied, always wanting more and more and more...!
So this Christmas, condemning what my common sense suggests, the grown up me WANTS to believe in you, as a last hope.
And as I CHOOSE to believe in you now, I want you to ask for: peace, in my heart, my mind, my life and my world.
So that, I can be happy with whatever I have.
And so that, I don't have to ask you for anything more.
Will you fulfill my first wish for you, Santa?
Please?
Or shall I keep a note asking for the same under my pillow, tonight? :)
In anticipation, with love
Sugandha
you know it very well, I never believed in you as a kid, 'coz there was nothing I wanted to ask you for, so happy was I with all things tiny, small, big or say, slightly bigger in life.
If I couldn't get my favorite ice-cream, I relished a cheaper one with equal, rather even more, excitement and pleasure, valuing the fact that atleast I got what I love the most: an ice cream.
I was happy with all the people around, their negatives never troubled me, 'coz as a matter of fact, I never saw any. All the things, all the people seemed nice, pleasant souls. No one looked fake, probably 'coz no one was or maybe 'coz my innocent eyes were blind to anything bad, back then.
Everyone was a friend. Even if someone fought, a patch-up was the next step by default. So pure our hearts were, so forgiving, so kind: so god-like.
...and so so many other things. It was such a nice life. Such a happy life, 'coz happiness used to be so cheap, so readily available: in an ice cream, in a new dress, in mumma's stories or papa's hugs, in a new toy (no matter how cheap it might be) or simply, in a smile! And that too, a smile that had nothing unpleasant veiled under it.
It was everywhere, happiness was everywhere.
Actually, life wasn't as happy, as my little eyes saw it to be.
How? 'Coz I was innocent and my pure heart never allowed me to be dissatisfied with life.
So I never believed in you, 'coz I had no reason to !!
***
But life's different now, or I have made it so, okay, knowingly or unknowingly. Today, there is no count of the things I'd want to ask you for and the funniest part is, I still won't be happy. Not as happy as I used to be, then.
I've grown up from being a kid. Grown up in age, in height, in IQ but unfortunately, not in innocence, not in contentment, not in happiness. While I grew up, my innocence kept dying and I became meaner, greedier and more and more dissatisfied, always wanting more and more and more...!
So this Christmas, condemning what my common sense suggests, the grown up me WANTS to believe in you, as a last hope.
And as I CHOOSE to believe in you now, I want you to ask for: peace, in my heart, my mind, my life and my world.
So that, I can be happy with whatever I have.
And so that, I don't have to ask you for anything more.
Will you fulfill my first wish for you, Santa?
Please?
Or shall I keep a note asking for the same under my pillow, tonight? :)
In anticipation, with love
Sugandha
Labels:
Articles,
memories,
philosophical
The God Of Inside
 |
A nightmare, some may say, for all its might.
A horrific prisoner, in it saw I
In the heaviest of chains, was she tied.
The crime what was, I do not remember
As a matter of fact, it doesn't even matter.
It was a castle, oh so majestic!
With every brick, laid so artistic.
Stood there gentlemen, all clad in black
Staring at the guilty, with eyes ready to attack.
The guilty however, seemed unafraid
The key to freedom, as if with her laid.
'Imprisoned for a decade, the guilty stands now!'
Shouted one of them, the voice echoing loud.
The guilty seemed unmoved, with traces of a faint smile
The men frowned, their attempts to scare her going futile.
'Your one wish?' muttered one
Frustrated at it, being a custom.
The guilty grinned, for the wait was going to cease
And the men'd know, how she was still at ease.
'My one wish, sir,' she finally begun
In their places the men shifted, eager to listen.
'is to see a photograph, of all my loved ones
and be made to listen to music, my soul on which runs.
'Done with that, my eyes thou blindfold
Ears too, shut from noises of the world.
'Tie me then in chains, the heaviest thou may find
Lock me up in thy prison, the scariest ever for mankind.
'And after a decade, when the punishment is well over
Free me out! Again in the world to rover.'
The gentlemen glared, taken aback by full surprise
More at her confidence, than the wish that seemed least wise.
But, 'the wish' that it was, the deed had to be done
Photographs were brought in, enchanting music was put on.
The last free moments, thoroughly the guilty hence relished
The jury grumbled, for though mystic, her wish couldn't be banished.
The rite was done, everything else followed suit
Blindfolded, made deaf, she was shown the cage's route.
Ten years passed by, in that little dark chamber
A decade of aloofness later, they didn't expect her to be sober.
But lo! what they saw, was least easy to swallow
For once they thought, if she was someone to hallow?
The still alive smile and a face so at peace
Least matched her health, that had grown very weak.
'How?!' the prison-keeper mighty exclaimed at her
'How did you pull it off, as if in all leisure??!
'For years I have seen prisoners, come in and go,
Never came one, whose sanity the jail didn't blow!
'Then what is the divine power, that you apparently possess?
For the shock is real gripping, may I confess!'
The guilty, now free, smiled even wider this time
Amused at how ignorant they were, of a power so divine.
'Well...', finally started she,
'My power, I promise, is also possessed by thee.'
Everyone exclaimed, was it a magic they too could perform?
'WHAT power but?' the saner of them asked with a frown.
'Love and music,' the reply came clear and loud
Raising many brows, showing signs of utter doubt.
'Before being jailed, riveting music I had listened
And gotten my ears shut, from the noises that'd surround.
Its harmony empowered me, all the while I was imprisoned
And hence, protected from any unpleasantness around.
'The pictures of my beloved that I last saw, I never let go
From eyes that saw nothing but darkness, and them.
So there wasn't one moment with my spirits getting low
For the power of LOVE didn't let me give up in the long run.
'For music runs my soul,
"Love" runs me as a whole,
And with the two's eternal guiding light,
Darkness, in life or in jail, won't ever be a plight.'
Saying this all, she left the place
Happy smiles, still adorning her face.
While the men gaped, in utter surprise
Realizing how the 'god of inside', had belittled in their lives.
The prison-men are 'us', giving up at life's testing times
While the power we pray for, in us actually resides
Love, music, or any other it maybe.
But being the lead myself, 'music' and 'love' struck to me.
But being the lead myself, 'music' and 'love' struck to me.
By,
Labels:
love,
philosophical,
poetry
Love story?
"Can I talk to you for a while?" he asked her nervously. A bead of sweat prominent on the forehead.
"Umm yeah sure. What about?" she spoke in her soft, sensuous voice, mesmerizing enough to render any sane man speechless.
"Ah well actually... I was... wondering if I... you... I mean, you and I... you know... uhm uhm..." no matter how hard he tried to look and sound less nervous than he actually was, he failed pathetically. Inside, he was only cursing the moment he had decided to talk to her finally, after many days of staring, wondering, imagining and fantasizing.
"Uhm, am sorry but I can't understand you?" she spoke so beautifully! Her gorgeous blue eyes looking deep into his face with great intensity and expectation. As if desperately waiting for something magical to come out of the moment that she had waited for, for the past many days.
He seemed lost in thought, apparently weighing all possibilities and then trying to decide whether to do it or not, to tell her or not. What would she say? he was going mad thinking.
She, on the other hand, looked calm, at peace. Her beautiful face, gifted with sharp features, ocean-like deep blue eyes and skin as pure as gold, showed no expressions. It looked to him as if she was not so interested, but she was only pretending. She was a girl, afterall. How could she give herself away! She had to act innocent and unaware.
"Hello?" she interrupted his line of thought, a little strongly this time. For how long could she hold back her eagerness, afterall.
"Oh yeah am so sorry! Haa!" he took a deep sigh.
The wait was driving her crazy. And irritated too.
I know what you want to say, I know why you're sweating so badly! But don't be so nervous dear that you find it difficult to say those words! How'll I say my 'yes' then!!, she spoke in her thoughts. Impatience was taking over her.
She hoped he'd find words after that long sigh.
"Natasha, this is something I've been wanting to talk about, with you, for the past one week. No, two weeks rather," he spoke at length this time. But still didn't speak anything of relevance. The stats were what she was least interested in.
"So?", not once did she forget to act ignorant, as if she knew nothing. She was a girl, afterall.
"Yeah so, this is something of great importance to me. But I don't know if it'd be of any worth to you too, or not. Nevertheless, I'll say it, for my peace of mind."
"You know, there are some feelings, which if not spoken at the right time can give us a lot of pain later. The sooner we share them, the better it is," seemed like the deep sigh had helped. He knew what he had to say. And that he HAD TO SAY IT to her, then and there.
"Yes you're right. And...?" her hopes were at an all-time peak now. She was only glad to be sure that he will say it this time.
"And... well this goes back to the time I first saw you. Two weeks ago, on our first day of college."
Their first day in college, how could she forget it! She had come along with her elder brother, to complete all the formalities left for admission. That time, she and her brother were standing clueless about where to begin with. Having arrived late, they had missed all the instructions and everyone seemed too busy to help them. At that very moment 'he' had made a hero-like entry, as if en route to winning the girl by first impressing the elder brother, Hindi film style. 'He' got them the forms, told all the instructions, even helped her to fill all the details.
With his helpful gesture, he had already begun to make her miss a beat or two. She had observed him carefully ever since, and he only looked more perfect. A tall, confident personality with a great smile and an extremely polite voice. Brown short hair, smartly but simply done up, a very fit athletic build, as if made for and from all day of footballing, an impressive attire with an even more impressive way of walking and carrying himself. She knew that very moment, she'd love to be his, forever, if only he felt the same.
Ever since, every single day their eyes had met, smiles had been exchanged and she had become more and more sure of him having something special to say to her, which he had not been able to gather enough courage for.
Nevertheless, she had eagerly waited in great desire, cherishing every moment they spent together on the first day, that was still as fresh as now, in her memories.
But she didn't show it. She was a girl, never forget that.
"Oh yeah! The first day.. I think... uhm... I can...very very faintly remember it. Yeah..." the actress in her continued, "what about it?" the latter half came out stronger, with a part of her curiosity showing up, till she composed herself again.
"Hmm the first day. You remember, you had come with your brother and I was the one to help you both in completing all the formalities?"
"Hmmm..." she was trying to recall if she looked good that day or not. He, no doubt, was the best guy in class. Could she have made a good impression on him, in her lovely pink dress that she wore that day? She knew she had all the beauty to make a man go mad. What could be wrong? Nothing!
She assured herself, that the day was hers already.
"Okay so right from that day I've been wanting to share this one thing with you, but I always feared what'd you say, what'd you think about me? Thousands of thoughts have somersaulted in me since then and I've been going half mad seeing you everyday and remembering it! You know, 'coz of this one thing, you're the one person on my mind every night before I go to sleep?!" he had said a lot. A lot for her joys to break all bounds.
It was partly unbelievable for her since it hadn't been too long, but she was confident of herself and more than that, her desirable personality. Being the best two in class, she always knew they were made for each other.
"Okay and what's the point?" she tried sounding rude, as if reminding him of her worth, that who he was going to get was no ordinary girl.
"AND THE POINT IS..." he spoke loudly, the final words very ready to pop out now, "that I love, I love..."
"Excuse me?" she was puzzled.
"I just love that tee your brother wore that day! ONE HELLUVA exotic, rare Chelsea jersey. Can I get it? Please!? In exchange for just about ANYTHING on Earth?? Or at least let me know where did he get it? Could I meet him? Could he get me another one? I'd die for that peace of marvel. Please help me, you know, I'm CRAZY about SOCCER! Like... like... MADE FOR IT!"
So it wasn't for nothing that she had been able to associate his healthy build with football that day.
"SO?" he was over excited.
"So?" she stood there, feeling cheated. As if someone had ditched her before even getting committed. Worse, she couldn't say that.
"So will you help me? Please!" his excitement was intolerable for her.
"Don't know if you're getting it or not, you're definitely getting one thing right now," she yelled.
His face showed a question mark
And next,
-- her slap was unbelievably hard.
"Umm yeah sure. What about?" she spoke in her soft, sensuous voice, mesmerizing enough to render any sane man speechless.
"Ah well actually... I was... wondering if I... you... I mean, you and I... you know... uhm uhm..." no matter how hard he tried to look and sound less nervous than he actually was, he failed pathetically. Inside, he was only cursing the moment he had decided to talk to her finally, after many days of staring, wondering, imagining and fantasizing.
"Uhm, am sorry but I can't understand you?" she spoke so beautifully! Her gorgeous blue eyes looking deep into his face with great intensity and expectation. As if desperately waiting for something magical to come out of the moment that she had waited for, for the past many days.
He seemed lost in thought, apparently weighing all possibilities and then trying to decide whether to do it or not, to tell her or not. What would she say? he was going mad thinking.
She, on the other hand, looked calm, at peace. Her beautiful face, gifted with sharp features, ocean-like deep blue eyes and skin as pure as gold, showed no expressions. It looked to him as if she was not so interested, but she was only pretending. She was a girl, afterall. How could she give herself away! She had to act innocent and unaware.
"Hello?" she interrupted his line of thought, a little strongly this time. For how long could she hold back her eagerness, afterall.
"Oh yeah am so sorry! Haa!" he took a deep sigh.
The wait was driving her crazy. And irritated too.
I know what you want to say, I know why you're sweating so badly! But don't be so nervous dear that you find it difficult to say those words! How'll I say my 'yes' then!!, she spoke in her thoughts. Impatience was taking over her.
She hoped he'd find words after that long sigh.
"So?", not once did she forget to act ignorant, as if she knew nothing. She was a girl, afterall.
"Yeah so, this is something of great importance to me. But I don't know if it'd be of any worth to you too, or not. Nevertheless, I'll say it, for my peace of mind."
"You know, there are some feelings, which if not spoken at the right time can give us a lot of pain later. The sooner we share them, the better it is," seemed like the deep sigh had helped. He knew what he had to say. And that he HAD TO SAY IT to her, then and there.
"Yes you're right. And...?" her hopes were at an all-time peak now. She was only glad to be sure that he will say it this time.
"And... well this goes back to the time I first saw you. Two weeks ago, on our first day of college."
Their first day in college, how could she forget it! She had come along with her elder brother, to complete all the formalities left for admission. That time, she and her brother were standing clueless about where to begin with. Having arrived late, they had missed all the instructions and everyone seemed too busy to help them. At that very moment 'he' had made a hero-like entry, as if en route to winning the girl by first impressing the elder brother, Hindi film style. 'He' got them the forms, told all the instructions, even helped her to fill all the details.
With his helpful gesture, he had already begun to make her miss a beat or two. She had observed him carefully ever since, and he only looked more perfect. A tall, confident personality with a great smile and an extremely polite voice. Brown short hair, smartly but simply done up, a very fit athletic build, as if made for and from all day of footballing, an impressive attire with an even more impressive way of walking and carrying himself. She knew that very moment, she'd love to be his, forever, if only he felt the same.
Ever since, every single day their eyes had met, smiles had been exchanged and she had become more and more sure of him having something special to say to her, which he had not been able to gather enough courage for.
Nevertheless, she had eagerly waited in great desire, cherishing every moment they spent together on the first day, that was still as fresh as now, in her memories.
"Oh yeah! The first day.. I think... uhm... I can...very very faintly remember it. Yeah..." the actress in her continued, "what about it?" the latter half came out stronger, with a part of her curiosity showing up, till she composed herself again.
"Hmm the first day. You remember, you had come with your brother and I was the one to help you both in completing all the formalities?"
"Hmmm..." she was trying to recall if she looked good that day or not. He, no doubt, was the best guy in class. Could she have made a good impression on him, in her lovely pink dress that she wore that day? She knew she had all the beauty to make a man go mad. What could be wrong? Nothing!
She assured herself, that the day was hers already.
"Okay so right from that day I've been wanting to share this one thing with you, but I always feared what'd you say, what'd you think about me? Thousands of thoughts have somersaulted in me since then and I've been going half mad seeing you everyday and remembering it! You know, 'coz of this one thing, you're the one person on my mind every night before I go to sleep?!" he had said a lot. A lot for her joys to break all bounds.
It was partly unbelievable for her since it hadn't been too long, but she was confident of herself and more than that, her desirable personality. Being the best two in class, she always knew they were made for each other.
"Okay and what's the point?" she tried sounding rude, as if reminding him of her worth, that who he was going to get was no ordinary girl.
"AND THE POINT IS..." he spoke loudly, the final words very ready to pop out now, "that I love, I love..."
"Excuse me?" she was puzzled.
"I just love that tee your brother wore that day! ONE HELLUVA exotic, rare Chelsea jersey. Can I get it? Please!? In exchange for just about ANYTHING on Earth?? Or at least let me know where did he get it? Could I meet him? Could he get me another one? I'd die for that peace of marvel. Please help me, you know, I'm CRAZY about SOCCER! Like... like... MADE FOR IT!"
So it wasn't for nothing that she had been able to associate his healthy build with football that day.
"SO?" he was over excited.
"So?" she stood there, feeling cheated. As if someone had ditched her before even getting committed. Worse, she couldn't say that.
"So will you help me? Please!" his excitement was intolerable for her."Don't know if you're getting it or not, you're definitely getting one thing right now," she yelled.
His face showed a question mark
And next,
-- her slap was unbelievably hard.
Labels:
Fun,
love,
Stories,
teenage stuff
From the core of a music-touched heart and soul....
I had been wanting to post something new here so badly! Ever since my exams got over, I've been wondering what to write, not that am short of topics, but that am too full of them!
And then as I was just catching up on some of my favorite music, I got re-touched by my most favorite song ever, 'The Carnival of Rust' by Poets of the Fall. I heard it once, twice, thrice and many times again, like I always do with my most loved pieces of music. Then I remembered the first time I heard it. I don't know how, that particular day I had just stumbled upon it's video and as I was seeing that video, I knew I was seeing something TOTALLY OUT OF THIS WORLD. But unfortunately, I still lacked the understanding to interpret it.
Today, after an year or so, I saw the video again and tried looking up its meaning somewhere on the net. And what I found was a forum discussing this video as the most most magical video ever (true like ANYTHING!), but not easily interpretable(again, true like anything!!). But still, what I got to know was just enough to touch the very core of my heart, making every atom of me say, "Oh. My God. Too true!!".
And I share it here. It's one of those music moments, when nothing else seems to own my soul more than even myself. So it'll be a really kind gesture on your part if you could see the video once, listen to the song calmly and then match the meaning of it am giving below. I have a soul that THRIVES on music, so I can connect it with. Hope you do so too.
Do tell if my feelings could reciprocate to or not.
This one post and the meaning behind this, makes me regret the last one. Couldn't have said more.
- THE VIDEO AND THE SONG- "The Carnival of Rust":
- THE BEST INTERPRETATION OF IT I FOUND ON THE NET:
"It signifies our obsession with Gimmicks and how we are never patient enough to stick around and see if what we just did will turn into something that will make us happy.
The woman in the mask pays attention to Marko (the singer) only for a brief time, then is drawn away by gimmicks and shiny things, forgetting him even though it could have been the best thing for her. Someone touches your heart , revives you and finally leaves you without any attention.
And why she leaves you ? 'coz she has found herself a new toy , 'coz she had been tricked by worthless , but shiny Pelf , presented by devils masquerading as angels... AND LEAVES HER REAL LOVER ALONE... "
In my words....
The world has been depicted as a carnival with all sorts of exciting things around. The lover stands caged, yearning for the woman's rain of love in this 'carnival of rust', crying his soul out, but the masked woman is pulled towards all the superficial glories around, symbolized in the video by the games, toys, riches and magic shows. Smitten by this superficiality, she wants to experience everything looking so beautiful and attractive, greed seems to take over as she is restless and wondering what all to try and what not (depicted by her looking at the limited amount of money she has.....like we want to play all games, but don't have enough resources for it). Hypnotized by the fake beauty of the world, she doesn't realize, that her real happiness lies in love, in that soul helplessly craving for her.
While for the world, she is a just another nobody, like a customer at one of those stalls in a carnival. They call out to her, try to impress her, try to show to her that her happiness lies with them but once their purpose is solved (the money is in) she is a nobody for them again. And all the while, her lover is yearning for her attention, wanting to give her all the happiness, which she is striving to find in all things superficial and fake.
And when she realizes that she is still not happy, not at peace, is still incomplete and none of the riches (symbolized by the doll she wins as a prize) can give her true happiness and peace, she looks back to search for her lover, but he is gone now. Forever. It's too late.
The video is plain MAGIC, not just 'coz it's conveying the most important but forgotten lesson of life very very aesthetically, but 'coz it's not just another girl-boy affair, it's philosophical yet mystical, with a symbolism drawn between the world and a carnival, as it's backbone.
CLASSIC.
:-)
Labels:
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love,
personal,
philosophical,
Romance
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