How to be happy: A ten pointer

As impossible as it may seem, I still wanted to do this. For myself, if not for you. The "key to happiness" has long been a mystery unexplained. Yet, it is all what we strive for. All of us, for that matter.
While it depends a lot on a person's own outlook, character, environment and particularly, the people he lives or spends his time with; there are a few basic things we all want/don't want. Those, form the essence of this post, aimed at listing out '10 ways of to be happy.'


1. Ignore hatred: Hatred begets hatred. That apart, hatred also begets unhappiness.
The fact is, we all hate someone or the other at some or all points of our lives. We hate them for their selfishness, for their meanness or simply, for their lack of love for us. Don't try to make them hate you lesser, it'll only remind you again and again that someone doesn't like you, don't try to pick up a fight about it either, just ignore it. As a wise man went on to say: "hate is too great a burden to bear. It injures the hater more than it injures the hated." Could it be said any better? 


2. Count the ones who love you. Not the ones who don't: Yes. For they don't matter.

No one in this world can be liked or loved by all. There is always somebody who wouldn't appreciate the way we are, or worse, our efforts to be as good as we can be. It could be because of jealousy or their own inferiority complex. That sounds mean, doesn't it. But let's just be honest to our own selves, jealousy and/or inferiority complex are feelings we all experience sometimes. They are no less a part of human-nature.

Even without really 'jealousy' being a reason, it is possible that someone just doesn't like you. Whatever be the case, it is best for us to not panic over it. We all have been made with some flaws here and there; the only way out to be liked or loved by every-damn-one, is to act fake. But mind you, the liking that shall follow will only be temporary then, and will turn into the worst form of hatred, when they get to see the real, flawed side of you. So be real. And be happy. 

In one way, this point is an extension of the first one. But still separate to emphasize on the need to not just ignore hatred, but remember the ones who love you too.

3. Be choosy about your critics: Believe it or not, this is VERY important. Till some time back I used to be confused about this thing, that, while on one hand it is necessary to have someone tell you about your flaws time-and-now, lest you lose your ground and start flying too high with over-confidence; on the other hand, cynics can be really dangerous. Infact, a cynic can do more harm to your self-confidence and happiness than a critic can do good to them.

Thus, over the past few years, I have learned to make it a point to be selective about the people whose criticism I should be bothered by. At all points of time there is somebody or the other trying to pull you down; just because it is wise to stay rooted and be able to take criticism positively, doesn't mean we can let just anyone—sometimes even friends—ruin our personality. Afterall, there is something called as "accepting your friends as they are" too!

If you're interested to know my criteria of distinguishing between genuine critics-cum-well-wishers and cynics-cum-haters, here it is: only the ones who are as loud and frank about your achievements and positive traits, as they are of your weaknesses and/or failures, are worth paying attention to. Everybody else, is part of the big mean world.

4. Indulge in something creative: Other than your job—if it does involve something creative, that is.

You could be an engineer, a doctor, a Software Developer/tester or just a businessman, but indulgence is always important. One, it gives you an out-of-the-world feeling that yes! I am more than just my job. Two, it adds an altogether different, respectable dimension to your personality. Three, it teaches you how to be creative all the time, how to be more and more innovative. These are qualities that come handy in every sphere of life—professional, personal—everywhere.

Four, and lastly, it makes you smarter. Might sound naive but trust me, there are people who could be getting the highest grades in class through rote-learning or nerdy studies, but without some creative credibility to their merit, you may still find them dumb. Creativity, I feel, smartens one up. In the long run of life, it is things such as these that can make you successful, no? Not that marks won't make you successful(the definition of "success" is again debatable); but just marks certainly won't.

So take up something creative to exercise your brain-cells better. Art, music, dance, writing, entrepreneurship ...could be anything! (Girls, please do not include the "art" of doing good make-up here. I mean you could. But I'd suggest something, well, bigger.)

5. Let yourself be ruled by some divine force: Now, this doesn't have to be "god" necessarily. We all have our own reasons for being theistic/atheistic/agnostic/spiritual etc. That is not significant here. What's significant is, not letting yourself be the only person who can influence you. Trust me, that is unhealthy, because, you won't ever be able to know that you are wrong, if you are; you won't ever be able to know that you need to change the path, if you're on the wrong one; you won't ever be able to respect the fact that others are not, well, fools. It is like being one of those demons straight out of the Hindu scriptures—the ones who'd claim with an evil laughter, "there ain't no god here. I am my only god. I am THE god!!"

Might sound a little inflated but then that's what you're leading yourself to be—self-absorbed—by not giving space to an influence you'd really respect. Even more unfortunate is the fact that it does harm not only to the person who is so, but those around him/her too. I speak with experience, of being around such people, not being one. 

So let there be a light in your life that matters a lot, that has been vested with the power to affect you, move you, touch you. That, my friends, is all what can keep humanity alive—the little that is left, I mean.

So, what is the divine force in your life? A religion? Spirituality? Music? Dance? Any other form of expression? Love? What is it??

6. Give limited amount of importance to the virtual world: "Says who!" did you dare say? Huh.

I am online most of the time. But honestly, with time, I have learned to not over-trust people here, not over-associate with people you don't know in real life and never expect too much from a virtual friendship. But here is another fact, some of them are really good and worth keeping up with. I knew no bloggers, writers and similar other creative people, before I became a part of the Web, somewhere in 2009. I have grown from strength-to-strength, as a person, writer everything ...by interacting with various people. So, do not step back from taking chances. There is always something new to learn from and in life, always someone who can teach it. Just that you should be able to judge a person, his/her intentions, character etc, before beginning to interact with them. That might take a little time to come, but then it's worth it. 

7. Know your strengths: It is as important as knowing your weaknesses, but due to some reason, most manuscripts don't seem to mention it. I mean, how else would you know your life does have a meaning on this planet; how else will you be confident about yourself?

Here again, self-obsession is bad, very bad. Now don't blame me for being hypocritic or anything. Don't you know, "too much of anything is bad for health?"

I want to add here another important point: never let happy memories leave you, keep them preserved well in your heart. Didn't want to make it an "eleven-pointer." I like even numbers.

8. Be real. Express your real thoughts freely: They don't always have to be kind, just true, real, honest. Some will like it, many won't. But I'd say, this is still the best thing to go with, for personal satisfaction. You won't feel suffocated. Like, ever!

I said sometime back, "be who you are, and you might end up losing some people; be who they want you to be, and you might end up losing yourself." 

True, no?

9. Be stupid. Don't let the child within you die: "What the hell?" you might say. Especially after this whole philosophical doctrine. But I'm sure most of you will agree, sometimes (rather, often!) nothing brings greater happiness than childish stupidity. Pretending to be flying like a bird swayed by the cool breeze, clapping joyously, relishing a simple orange ice-cream bar like the best thing on Earth, jumping excitedly, laughing, giggling, being naughty and teasing friends...all of this might make no sense to others, but the child within us understands no sense. He just does what he feels like doing, unaffected by people's reactions. What else do you think innocence is about. Sense and innocence: are they antonyms? 

Here again, there is a second side to the coin("too much of anything is bad for health," remember?) I advocate this prophecy only because we all need to relax once in a while, to let ourselves enjoy freedom at its fullest and blah blah. BUT, growing up is also about ...umm...growing up. That too is important. Breaking into laughter when someone failed his exam, or dancing like a free bird when someone's, say, gotten into jail, will make you seem like you're out of your mind. And really, only someone out of his/her mind can be SO badly-timed. 

Thus, we should probably try to get the right mix of things: maturity, along with childishness; smartness, along with innocence and yeah, blah blah.

Come on, I can't act wise all the time! #being stupid :P

10. Write a post titled, "10 ways to BE HAPPY:" No, really! I mean, just look at me. I have written down a whole long post teaching others how to be happy, as if I'm some monk who has attained satisfaction, peace and the 'key to happiness', in life already. I'm not even a Philosophy scholar and basically, in no other way credible enough to follow. Why then, "10 ways to be happy," from ME?

The answer is—for myself. I started this post long time back when I was really upset about certain things, I needed thoughts that would help me be happy. I wondered, how to be happy? And I started writing, wrote down the first two points and stopped there. Yes, at that point of time, the causal factor of my unhappiness was somewhere related to only them. 

Today again I took up this post, albeit not in an unhappy state of mind. So I could think more clearly, more practically. And all the conclusions I arrived at, are here for you to see.

Thus, I come to the end. "Practice what you preach," a wise man(or was it a woman?) once said. Thank god he/she didn't say, "preach only that which you practice, " otherwise, I'd have never been eligible to write this piece. 

Still learning. Hope this post will help. Me.