The author of this blog stopped writing here long time back. The posts published here embarrass her now. And hence, there is very little chance that she is going to write here again.

This blog is hence declared to be in a state of COMA.

What type of a Facebook-user are you?

There've been countless posts around, about the various categories of Facebook-users (or as you may say, F-bookers). This is my attempt of doing the same, from what I have observed till date.

If we as Facebook-users were dogs, these would be our various breeds:P
  • "I am what I am! \m/  !!!!"Half of their 'about me-s' declare this. Wish someone could tell them, dude! Fine, we know that. Why don't you instead try being better than who you are?
    It's funny how people can even imagine, that by exploiting an already 'raped' cliché, they can 'stand out of the crowd'. (Why's everyone so obsessed with being called "different" anyway, I often wonder. It only makes them so much like everyone else).
  • "Cn v b frndship?" —Need I say more? Every girl who's on Facebook, every single girl, (even if she is not a girl in real), must've experienced the plight of going through such decent messages in their already-overloaded inbox, too many times. AND in this regard, looks/intelligence/talent/popularity....all of these, no bar! You just have to be a girl profile, and there'll be at least a dozen of such 'swt, carng, honst, frndly' guys out there, waiting to be your 'frndship'.

    "Hey dear, u so we b fraands?"
  • "Where's MA(h) maa?" —If  maa is the universal symbol of love, then "ma"/"mah" certainly are the ultimate symbols of epic-failures. The only difference being that the former is way more respectable. And the latter, just a pathetic attempt at trying to be KEWL.Did I forget to add, short-hands SUCK?
    (@Wannabes, ma/mah/iz/pics/lyf/rox/frns : take your pick.)

  • The Devadas-es All hell breaks loose when they come online. Newsfeeds are flooded with copied, barbarously over-used and common one-liners about love, lovers, greedy girls, mean world, broken hearts, tears, memories and what not! The black-hearts that Facebook provides, are an ever-green part of their every post—be it a song, a video, pic of a teddy bear or a status like the ones mentioned above: hopelessly clichéd. All that's probably left for them to do is, send a personal message to every possible soul on Facebook about how their heart cries. I don't mean to sound mean, but dude! Once in a while is still okay, but all-time moaning? There sure are better ways to make a joke of yourself in public or to be the talk of the town. Never heard of the saying ,"laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and you're left alone?"

    On a more philosophical note, it is my personal opinion that mostly, people who have easy lives, who do not know how worse it can actually get, nevertheless need something to cry over or yearn for, something that would make it seem like they too are struggling in life and not having it cheese-smooth. "Love" is what helps them get into this illusion. 
  • The writers My personal fav, probably because I think I belong to this breed too. (:P) These are people who do not like using short-hands (even if they were on their death bed, counting their last breaths, and putting up a status about the same, they would probably still be typing everything in F.U.L.L!), they hate plagiarism and plagiarists and would put up lengthy arguments here-'n'-there about the same, their comments are rarely to-the-point or concise because they are too fond of expressing (and maybe, overdoing it). They are poets, story-writers, philosophers, one-liner-crackers, bloggers and to put it all together, writers! The busiest, yet the vella-est breed around, who seem to be under the misconception that the world cares about every stupid thing that they've got to say. Well, some do get heard. (anyone listening?) :D
    Funnily enough, most of them are B.Tech students or Engineers, many of who are whiners too! Time and again complaining about how they landed up at the wrong place, how Engineering has made them realize what they are NOT meant for (so early, heh?)  
    These kids may not be liked in real life, but for all the time that they spend/waste in thinking about life, framing witty/philosophical status-messages, 'opinions to share' and all that, they are usually "liked" a lot. Like I say, most bad engineers are good at engineering with words and vice versa.
    Having said that just in good fun, the fact that they are also the ones who actually make sense, most of the time, is undeniable. Just like another fact there—they don't just act witty/sarcastic/funny/philosophical; they are so. Pretty much so. Entertainingly so.
    A word of caution: this lot can easily be seen poking fun at themselves. But if someone else dare try that, the consequences could be severe. Plus, like I said earlier, I seem to believe I belong to this category. Get the picture? :P

  • The 'studdy' geeks— They are THE studs of Facebook, or so they seem to believe. They live in a world of their own, where the only rule is—THEIR RULE! They 'share' things hardly a fraction of the population would be interested in (considering that most people belong to the categories mentioned above and below) of course, apart from their friends who are (or want to be) much like them.
    These dewwds seem to think that they are the Gadget-world's reporters for us. So if the market has been (or will be) invaded by a new browser, a new operating System, a new laptop, a new I-phone, a new set of earphones, new tablets, apples and anything else that even remotely concerns Computers and/or electronics, the Engineer in them awakens and decides to enlighten the world.
       Some of those updates  might look like:       
          :Yippee!! I have completed my dream project! It is written in the Bambola 
              programming language and can connect one Zambola with a Jinjola!
          :Google launches new search engine for young men: F-ogle. Awesome!
          :Yayyyyy!!! Now I know all programming languages in the world except just one, 

           that is, Logo. Time to study that and then rule the world FTWWWW!! (how 
           strange is that even for the imagination?)
          :Oh no!! I have forgotten one Linux-command! Such a bad day!! :(:(:(:(

          :Just realized I'm still not the best programmer alive. Why is life so harsh? why?? :'( 

       Let me speak no more about these gentlemen. Most of them know they do all this
and why they do all this but won't admit. So, let's just let them have fun in their own 
         world and get that little dose of satisfaction with the comments that follow:- Bhai tu to 
         mast hai!/You rock dude/Tum to god ho!! /Wow yar!...etc.
  • The 'commentators'— They comment. On posts, photos and shares. And they do so just for the heck of it. The good part is, they do make sense. Sometimes.
  • The ones who wear invisibility cloaksVirtually. One fine day they made an account on FB. No other such fine day ever came again, for them to think of logging in. 10 years after the day they came on Facebook their wall still reads, "Speedy Singh joined Facebook."
  • The 'I actually need Twitter but I don't know how to use it, so am here' kind— Says all, doesn't it? There wouldn't be a second you won't know what in life are they upto. And the latest Facebook features ensure that all the more.
  • The ones forever in a relationship with their relationship status— It's complicated->single->in a relationship->it's complicated. The cyclic process that it is, you can never be sure at which state they currently are. Plus, with the growing popularity of section 377, you now cannot be sure of another thing: the gender of the person they are in a relationship with/married to/engaged to/divorced from etc.
    Rakhi Saxena is married to Ruchika Sawant
    Get the picture? Best-Friendship redefined.
  • The plagiarists— They think life without at least 10 likes on every status isn't worth living. Sadly, they aren't linguistically equipped enough to make their life worth-living (in the same sense) on their own. Thus, they adhere to pointless, shameless copying of The Writers' stuff. Picture this:
    The Writer: Laugh and the whole world laughs with you. Cry, and they laugh at you.
    The Plagiarist: Hey! Laf n da hole wrld laffs wid u,,,cry n dey laff at yew!!!!!!! :D:D
    And then they reply to the congratulatory comments that follow ('hey!! greatly said yaar!!!!', 'you said this? nice!') with some real audacious comments: 'Thanks yaar', 'yep. i sd it. :):):)'
    If the actual owner of the stuff in question—the writer—happens to see all of this, the poor thing ends up burning gallons of his/her own blood. Tch tch. Such is life.

    And now, here are some breeds according to people's photo-habits:
  • The picture-maniacs— They are crazy about photos, of themselves. While everybody likes to put up pictures where they could be possibly looking good, the people of this breed are interested only in that. Check their wall and you would find a whole stack-full of 'Xyz changed her profile picture' written all over a gazillion times. And yes, there is a reason why I use "her" here. *looks elsewhere*
  • The taggers— They are friendly people, virtually. But not friends necessarily. You may not be knowing them, couldn't have ever talked to them—even a chat for that matter, or worse, may have even exchanged just hateful glances in school/college, but they won't forget to tag you (and 5000 others)  in a picture with splashes of color shouting out HAPPY HOLI, or another one showing a manicured lady-hand holding a diya with HAPPY DIWALI!! written most calligraphic-ally, or if nothing else, then the picture of the Tricolor wishing all Indians a very Happy Independence/Republic Day. 
    How sweet. But then the string of 'ohh so sweet dear, same to u!' and 'thank u!!!!!!!!!' comments that end up pestering you to the core with pointless notifications, suck away all sweetness from this epic gesture of formality.
  • The 'I, me and myself' kind— They probably come from some country like Albuma. So every second day there is a new photo album titled: I!!!!!!!, MyPicz!!,Dis iz meee\m/!!, Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!, Simplieee meeeee!!, Just meeeeee!!! And the best part is that each of the 500 photos in these albums justifies the tens of exclamatory marks in the album-name. 'Coz all that you'd find, if you care to see, are photos of the same person, in the same clothes, in the same place, but, only from different angles. And suddenly, you feel like the director of some modelling agency who is supposed to dissect a desperate aspirant's portfolio.
    Mind you, don't dare to say the breed is uni-sexual, with only girls belonging to it. 'Coz there are guys, and no less great. Beware, you might just be the next one to be tagged among thousands others, in one of their profile-pics showing them wearing their most epic (fail) goggles. Two likes and 1 comment: gud.
  •  The 'Look I have so much fun in life B)' ones— Lounging on couches in groups of 100 smoking the latest in-thing:hookah, pulling each others' hair, cleaning shit off the roads together with friends for fun, making weird faces, kicking, kissing, killing each other and so on...see them having all the fun of their life with friends, almost live.
    One question to them though, if you really are as cool as you make of yourselves, why care to try so much, to make the world know of it? :-/
  • The Photo-Editors— Picassa is their pick as Photoshop isn't everyone's cup of Pepsi (:P). Much glow, much brightness, much shadow, much highlight, much color-saturation and cropping later, they finally arrive at a pic they won't hide from sharing. Some of the girls, though, aren't still done yet. So add on some butterflies, ribbons, color-splashes and a kewl-quote and maybe then, they are ready to believe that that picture of them pouting pitiably looks purrfect

So that should be it. Albeit there can never be an end to this list of a thing, I put down all those could think of in the time I devoted to this long-pending post. Of course, there are categories I too belong too but won't admit. And the same may conveniently go for all the readers. So, never-mind!
You can thrash me, hit me, applaud me or simply ignore me for this post. But if you do all of it verbally, through comments, it'd be appreciated. *wink*

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Rinaya October 9, 2011 at 11:12 PM  

A very very accurate & thought-provoking post that is, I assume the result of keen observation of daily life on Facebook :P
And I loved the "Zambola connects to Jingola " speaking category..I mean each time they share something , they make me feel like a moron & I'm a PG student in Computer Sc.!

GvSparx - Inspiring Lives October 30, 2011 at 1:30 PM  

Every page has a unique song... nice ;)
Well i too am a writer ...
But I am never in a dilemma, that's the reason my blog has everything, kuch bhi :P
Nice blog you have...
Will keep visiting you !
GvSparx Blogger
GvSparx Page

Sugandha November 7, 2011 at 10:59 AM  

@Rinaya: Haha, I can understand your plight. I sail in the same boat; just that I'm a UG student. :D Thanks for dropping by :)

@GVSparx: Thanks for dropping by. I'd be checking out your blog too. And BTW, every page doesn't have a unique song. It's a playlist that shuffles itself. On changing the page it restarts. Although with a different song. Since it's a long playlist. That's how it works. Thanks again :)

Sayan April 22, 2013 at 3:06 PM  

Hahahahhaha! Fun! Fellow 'writer' :P

Well met. I plan on visiting regularly, even if you don't scratch my back (please do!).



Badarinarayan Burli May 6, 2013 at 2:03 PM  

This one's too good!
I could not stop laughing! Nicely written as well. I admire your writing and by now you should know that I am also a writer ;)

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