The author of this blog stopped writing here long time back. The posts published here embarrass her now. And hence, there is very little chance that she is going to write here again.

This blog is hence declared to be in a state of COMA.

Zzzzzz......wake up kid!




I've come across people who love to dance, others who love to sing, still others who paint and so on-so forth. I've also come across people who don't like to do either of these- the ones who may like dancing, but not singing, who may like sketching but not painting ...so on so forth again. But there hasn't been one who doesn't like to zzzzz.....sleep! And you do agree with me, don't you?


When I was a child, I hated sleep. It seemed like such a waste of time. I thought, there are so many interesting things to do in this world, so many games to play, so many activities to indulge in, why miss it all for something as useless as SLEEP! Just being a set of bones, lying down and doing, doing absolutely nothing! Huh! 


Some of my fondest memories of childhood are of my mom striving hard to make the three of us (me, my kid brother and younger sister) take a nap in the afternoon- tough job it was for her, I must say.
For she was a teacher ('was' because she's now a principal) and thus, the afternoon time for her was much precious- the time when she could take little rest after a hectic day at school and then back home preparing lunch etc 'coz evening would again embark on a new set of chores till the ultimate end (of the day). So basically what I'm trying to say is that she wanted to sleep. And we kids opposed the idea like anything, because she obviously wouldn't sleep with three tiny criminals on loose in her house and so, we were supposed to sleep as well- by hook or by crook


So once back from school, we'd change, have lunch together, watch a little T.V along and then sleep- or so we tried.
And failed at it most of the times! It just wasn't appealing an idea. A day at school- some studies and some play, studies no less than play, yet tired. But a child's imagination, curiosity, energy- do they ever tire?
So we would just lie there with her, eyes closed (if not, she'd make sure we did so- moms are smart, you see) and wait for her to start snoring (don't be crazy to believe that, it's just a figure of speech, duh!). There'd be times when one of us would try to escape sneakily, thinking that the way is clear but lo! her sixth sense would suddenly play the spoiler and with all the grudge that it brought, the brave attempter had to again get back to bed.  If one did succeed at such an attempt (that was mostly my clever brother) the other two (actually me :P) would feel jealous and deliberately call out to him loudly. Either mom would wake up or he'd be afraid that she will- in any case he had to come back to bed cursing me. (Probably that's when we began with our fights, with him writing me off as 'mummy ki chamchi' :P)



But we didn't fail always, mind you! At times it did work out well enough- planning always helps, you see. Once in the other room we'd discuss in the softest tone of voice(s) possible on how to 'utilize' the hard-earned time. What to play, what to do. Sometimes we'd take up our drawing books while my brother bravely tried to watch T.V (on low volume, ofcourse). I'd loudly murmur then, "kya kar raha hai! Mummy jaag jayengi hamein bhi sona padega!". That way he annoyed me like anything. No, he always does.


Otherwise, we played something- hide and seek in the then-little house or else, the best that I can remember, tent-tent (a more interesting version of ghar-ghar). The best corner in the house during summers was the half-bed placed just in front of the good-old cooler, so we would just take one of mom's dupattas, and tie it to it's window such that the 'tent' alone took up all the air the silly machine (anything like that is silly once you've an  A.C, no?) had to offer. Then we'd get all our toys and take it into the 'tent'. Now the funny part is that once in it, we had no clue about what to do! We'd be simply sitting in there, looking at those toys or each other's faces. If it got cold we'd get an extra sheet to take over ourselves. What next? Nothing! The effort that it all took, the planning, the 'adventure' involved: that itself was the game we played! Once accomplished, the task meant nothing. Sometimes mom would wake up (that must be those really hot summer days making her miss the cold air and hence wonder, where did the coolness go?) at other times we would just get bored of sitting inside and dismantle everything to get back to sleep, finally exhausted- an effort for nothing?! :D


So that was it- my childhood, a sneak peak into it, a re-tour of the best times. Times have changed, we have changed : all because we've, so called, 'grown up'. A peaceful sleep is more precious than anything now, but not so easy to avail. There are tensions, concerns that won't let us be at peace even if sleeping. Those were the times when the body refused to tire, and even if it did, the keenness to learn new things never did and we'd keep going, keep exploring, unraveling new facts and relishing the profound mysteries of life. Nothing seemed like a waste of time, even failures were milestones. A mistake or two no matter how big, and all that the mind yelled was, "Oh! So this is how it is NOT to be done!". THAT was the real spirit of life- forever hopeful, forever learning, forever growing, and never tiring. The energy seems lost, even though we aren't yet old.


There's this boy/girl amongst us crying for/over 'love', the loss or lack of it- sleepless anyhow. Maybe a heartbreak, a betrayal or a mistake- love- it sure brings some happiness, some hurt and a lot of lost sleep, well, so I've heard. 


Another one is going mad wondering what his/her future will be."Will I get placed? What kind of a job will I get, if at all I will? How'll I earn money, and how much will I? Will I be able to have my own stand in life? To become independent and successful? Will I be able to live upto my parents' expectations and do my them proud? But, how? How'll it all happen?!". The future, it worries and eats much of the present- the peace, the life, the time. 


Some are plain busy, too busy to do anything as 'fruitless' as sleep. Some others are not at all busy- but still as sleepless as their busier counterparts, 'coz they're jobless, idle, it worries them. It seems like a loser life not worth continuing with. Everything becomes stagnant when the poignant question is, "what have I achieved?".


The man with no money can't sleep, 'coz he's worried about his family, his children, their future. The man with too much money can't sleep either, 'coz he's tense all the time, "is it safe? What if I get caught?".


Different reasons, different commitments, different concerns but all leading to the same state- of being devoid of that relieving, peace-giving trance. The state of no sleep, no peaceful sleep, to be more precise. Nevertheless, we're still moving on as if hypnotized- not at peace, but at unrest, thus making us only exist, rather than live.  


I never valued that baby sleep as a kid. The funny part, I still could have it, anytime I wanted. And now, I value it, but don't have it, not as much as I need, as much as I want. Funny life.


Lost in the crowd?


This I say after having stayed up in the night for long, sleepless after having slept in the day, wondering (read 'worrying') about upcoming exams, the recently concluded results that flag me off as no more than an average student, the huge question mark flashing over my future-tense (the future making me tense), the cut throat competition apparently tending to cut more than just my throat, as if my nerves... 
But okay, atleast I know now why mom so badly wanted to sleep, back then. But, where's the peace? the hope?
If this is what growing up is all about, how I wish I could forever stay a kid.


But there is a child within, the source of hope when nothing seems to be working, the house of all energy. Let's call out to him .....wake up kid!!!







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2 comments:

Tanay February 26, 2011 at 11:01 AM  

Could've been shorter :|
But describes everything so perfectly and anyone can connect with it :)
And I missed siblings reading this :D
My mom used to read out stories to me when I didn't let her sleep after her school hours, or as she says, I loved playing with crockery, so she handed me some of those, and I'd be engrossed in it for a long time, enough to let her sleep.

Appu February 27, 2011 at 12:02 PM  

Nice One.

and m not dozing off :D. Everyone in your age feels the same, but consider yourself lucky enough to be able to pen it down. :-)

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